This cinches it.  I’m going back to church, this guys church.  I’ve been wrong all along because:

You trust in hell motherfucka and you already in hell, just like I trust in heaven and I’m already there motherfucka!

I can’t argue with this, it’s air tight.  I now officially have a new hero.

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I saw this on youtube the other day, I think it’s been around for years, but holy shit wait until you see the kid in orange after 30 seconds or so, he is sick.

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If you haven’t seen Superbad yet, get to the store today because it was just released on DVD, don’t stop on go or for any children or old people (and you’re an incredible loser).  But, don’t just take my word for it (even though it is impeccable), check out the link below.  My favorite quote from the clip:

Yeah, while you guys are at Dartmouth, I’ll be over at State where the girls are half as smart and thus twice as likely to felate me.

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Wow, what the hell kinda game-shows do they have in the UK?  Is this on family TV?

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Folks, the next time you are pulled over for drunk driving, make sure you scratch your nuts before you get out of the car.  You don’t want to end up like this poor soul.

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In honor of Black Friday, I have a selection of my favorite commercials to show you.  My father, I’m sure, is unbelievably appalled that I would show hated commercials on my site.  I too hate commercials, but some are funny enough (I will probably still not buy their products, but whatever).  My philosophy on commercials is counter to what the ad-agency assholes are going for, if a commercial is annoying or really bad, I will probably go out of my way not to buy their products.

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The Swear Jar: I got this one from my bro-in-law, this is high-lar-ious, motherfuckers.

Blind-date: We’ve got chemistry…

Office Linebacker: I wish I had one of these at my office.

ESPN Commercials: Most are hilarious, this is just one example…

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Dr. Jan Adams, douchebag, tool… douche-tool.  Why would you go on national live television to say you will not talk about an event publicly (and thus surprising the host Larry King)?  The answer, because you’re a fucking ass-wad.  He could have written a letter, sent an email, used semaphore, had a private conversation, basically, he could have communicated to Larry King his position in a myriad of ways but he chose to put himself on TV.  This asshole probably thinks he’s doing the noble thing and will look good respecting the wishes of the West family, sure, but do it off the air.  The real answer, because YOU WANTED TO BE ON TV, attention whore.

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Now the new and improved Techno-Viking includes captions so we can read what Techno-Viking commands.  Remember:

• The Techno-Viking doesn’t dance to music, the music is secreted from his genetically superior sweat glands
• Chuck Norris is a gaping va-ha-ha when compared to Techno-Viking
• Techno-Viking’s gaze will render all men impotent and cause them to uncontrollably sob with fear
• The Church of Techno-Viking (CTV) is now the third largest religion in the world and number one in Northern Europe
• Techno-Viking conquered Paris by lifting his arms and allowing the French to smell his fragrant underarms, which lulled them into hypnotic servitude
• …

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Once again, don’t break the first and second rules of drinking.  Do NOT allow your friends to see you passed out.  Some people learn the hard way….

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By far my favorite Tenacious D clip/episode of all time.  For those of you who don’t know who or what Tenacious D is… what is wrong with you?  Jesus, do I have to tell you everything?  Anyway, Kyle Gass and Jack Black are Tenacious D, best friends and self proclaimed “Greatest Band on Earth”.  In this episode Kyle attempts to steal Jack’s crush, hilarious karate ensues… check it out.

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