Preposterous Ponderings set up a word cloud via a tool called wordle, it’s a pretty cool little tool. For my cloud, I basically went to my home page and did a “select all”, pasted it in the wordle tool, and whiz-bang-asshole, the word cloud below was vomited from the inner workings of the interwebz onto your screen. Enjoy bitches…

Click below for the full image…

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Now that Bitch Hilary Clinton is most likely out of the picture. We as a nation can reflect on the partisan and nasty nature of how we campaign in this country, begin to repair the damage, and prepare for the class 5 hurricane that will be the general election. Who are we kidding, first we have to find a scapegoat (or goats) for why Clinton lost to boy-toy Obama. At the top of the list is her weed smokin fornicator husband Bill Clinton. I actually liked Bill Clinton in office, so what if he fucked around on Hilary, but let’s face it… is that really a surprise? I get chills just looking at her picture. The media is saddling him as a major contributor to the Hillary’s downfall but I blame her and all of the bitching and moaning.

Anyway, Dave Chappelle did a great stand-up act on Clinton years ago, I have embedded it below, check it out.

I couldn’t find the part of his stand-up act that talked about why he wouldn’t want to be the first black President. It was priceless. The payoff/punchline was that he would place an illegal immigrant as his VP (named Sanchez) as an insurance policy so that if somebody offs him, Sanchez would open up the border. Wouldn’t it be ironic if Obama chose Richardson as VP?

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Sadcox is writing up comic strips about the characters he’s known over the years… I figured I would take away his thunder about me final-battle-in-8-Mile style in the two comics below.

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In a former life I was into geographic information systems (GIS), spatial analysis, remote sensing, computer cartography, and satellite imagery analysis. Now, not so much, but I still dig that shit. When I was in grad school, I had multiple courses that covered these subjects including spatial statistics and advanced GIS. I’ve also always thought that stats are bullshit (i.e., you can make any point you want by massaging your data… not your wiggly bits). Anyway, I tried to figure out how to make a research topic out of spatial stats and my “stats are bullshit” hypothesis. I came up with an idea, show a positive correlation between the spatial proximity of Chinese Restaurants and Animal Hospitals/Veterinarian Clinics. I started to gather the data in a small pilot area in East Tennessee (ok, it was in fucking Knoxville) and started to massage my… er, data. I started with a 1/2 mile radius around the Animal hospitals searching for Chinese Restaurants, there was a correlation, but not strong. I extended the radius to 1 mile and boom, positive correlation. What does this prove? Not a fucking thing, but it was fun. Over the years I lost my data and test cases, also, it was in the ’90s so I was limited by the data available. I would be interested in seeing this analyis performed with proper data as it is much more abundant today…

Remember, if you hear meowing while you are in a Chinese Restaurant, get the fuck out! (This actually happened to my wife and I, but at a Japanese restaurant in Baltimore)

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I finished watching the fourth season of The Wire on DVD and am dying to see the fifth season, but the fucking thing doesn’t come out until August. And like a “her-on” junkie from the show, I needed a new obsession. Lost isn’t doing it, I need a regular fix, and watching an hour a week or spreading it out over a season is for suckas. I’m now convinced that watching full seasons of shows on DVD is the only way to go. I have absolute control over what, when, and how. And I can fix-up a couple of shows a night if I get into it.

I actually don’t watch regular TV anymore. Can we dump our cable now? Hell no, we need Dora, Diego, Sesame Street, and the fucking-douchebag Wiggles for the crazy spawn on-demand.

My latest obsession is Entourage. I watched the first season in two days and am mid-way through the second season. Best line ever from the second season:

Dude, did you just get cock-blocked by Bob Saget?

Fucking classic…

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Sadcox over at Hear It From Us found a cool tool called toonlet that creates comic strips. Here is my first “hello world” comic (in geek talk, my first attempt)… later bitches.

AND, my second attempt:

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So I’m sitting in a coffee shop in the San Diego airport reading a book by Chuck Palahniuk (the dude that wrote Fight Club) and there was a great line in it. So great that I logged onto my laptop and was going to jot it down in notepad or something so I didn’t forget it. Then it occurred to me that if any airport in the world had terminal wide WiFi it would be this one… guess what, I was right. I love technology. Therefore, I just began to write this post.

Now, I love lines, quotes, lyrics, blurbs, or whatever you want to call them. The problem is, I can’t seem to remember them all as my short-term memory is shot to shit from too much unprotected sex in Haiti… wait, that’s hepatitis and my liver, never mind. At any rate, the excerpt that I was referring to is:

It’s not that I want to get married. I admire guys who can commit to a tattoo. - Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

What a great line, to denigrate marriage to window dressing in such a succinct manner, that is flippin genius. That led me to think of other biting lines I had read or heard over the years. I’m not referring to classic pickup lines like “Nice shoes, wanna fuck”, but more like:

• People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch - Jack Nicholson, As good as it Gets

• If you want to know who your friends are, get yourself a jail sentence - Charles Bukowski

• The Universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest - Kilgore Trout

• Be careful who you pretend to be, because you are who you pretend to be - Kurt Vonnegut

• A patriot must always be prepared to defend his country against his government - Edward Abbey

And…

The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice. - Bill Murray, Caddyshack

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Dear Mr. Man in the Yellow Hat,

I have some words of advice and a couple of bones to pick with you. First off, what’s up with the yellow hat, shirt, tie, pants, jacket, and underoos? Yellow is the color of cowardice and piss… the man in black would be hella cooler. Anyway, we all know you have a creepy affinity for animals, specifically little monkeys. Another eccentric man had the same inclination towards wild simians, his name is Michael Jackson, and we all know where that led. I’m not going so far as to say that monkey love is the gateway to pedophilia, but it’s probably a good start. I have my eye on you.

This letter isn’t the forum to discuss your possible preference for little boys, it is to discuss your discipline problem with your little monkey. Your little monkey, named George, is very inquisitive. We get that. The problem is it appears that you don’t. Week in and week out, George finds himself in a situation where he creates a problem, havoc ensues, and then while George attempts to right his many wrongs, some sort of mitigating factor comes into play (more often than not, George is just “cute”) that makes the situation OK. You are apparently ignorant to the shenanigans and typically show up after the shit has hit the fan and find yourself apologizing to the victims of the mayhem.

I am placing the blame for all of these problems squarely on your yellow shoulders Mr. Hat. In nearly every instance, poor George was left alone prior to his getting into trouble. I’m not sure about the rest of the world, but if I had a wandering monkey that got into a ton of shit when I wasn’t watching, I probably wouldn’t let him out of my site or allow him to skulk around off of a leash or out of a cage. But you have left him alone hundreds of times with the probability of a shit storm at 100%. Mr. Man in the Yellow Hat, you are a fucking idiot.

We all know you can spank your monkey, but what GEORGE needs is some discipline. If he gets out of line, break a finger. If he does it again, throw him into the closet for a week without food or water. Third strike, back to the fucking jungle with ya. I hope this helps.

Sincerely,

Billymac

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I saw a post over at Anonymous Idiot yesterday about The Wire and an infamous scene where the only dialog was with the word fuck (or slight variation, as in motherfucker or fuck me). I had to post the video of the scene, check it out below. The setup is a couple of salty cops recreating a crime scene in a vacant apartment some period of time after the crime (weeks, months?). The challenge, no dialog but the big F…. The Wire passed with flying colors, it kinda sounds like me putting together a bookshelf or any kids shit in my house.

Later bitches…

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I have joined the beta of a new site called Anonymous Idiot (AI, not to be confused with Allen Iverson). This is a place where men are men, women are men, and dogs are scared shitless…. wait, that’s my last church, never mind. Anyway, AI has two main objectives: 1) Provide a place where you can post content that doesn’t fit in with your site’s content because it is too controversial (or in my case not controversial enough), and 2) generate backlinks to your site with the goal of generating additional traffic for you. If this is something that might be of interest to you, check it out, at least the content should be interesting enough for a laugh with a bunch of idiots writing them.

So now I’m a certified moron idiot… at least I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.

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