The sad state of affairs in the world today (especially in the US) is that consumers have been taught to expect really shitty service practically everywhere they go. A couple of years ago I got tired of constantly bitching and moaning about shitty service (and getting all pissed off about it) and began to expect shitty service in nearly every scenario. What I can’t figure out, and I’m being serious here, is if the service in this country is deteriorating or if it has always been this bad and I’m just becoming high maintenance in my old age and noticing it more. I can remember a bunch of “joe” jobs I had when I was a kid where I would get chewed out for the slightest offense. As an example, I remember getting lectured by this old manager for whistling while I was literally flipping burgers at a McDonald’s when I was 16, I thought the dude was a prick, but I stopped whistling. Now I go to a McDonald’s and the person taking my order is typically on their cell phones and roll their eyes for bothering them while they’re talking to their retarded friends and giving me change with ketchup on it…. and my arm sticks to the counter if I lean on it.
It’s to the point now that I’m genuinely and pleasantly surprised when somebody offers good service in situations where I don’t expect it. And if I get really good service at a restaurant, or if my kids light off a food missile, I will tip like a rock-star. Not that I know how rock-stars tip, it might be downright vile, but I pretend to be one anyway and power-slide to the cash register with cash stuffed in my crotch.
By the way, as a safety tip, never bitch about the service in a restaurant until after you get your food (or if you expect to return), it will have extra stuff in it when you get it back… seriously, it’s not just a joke from the movies.
In honor of Black Friday, I have a selection of my favorite commercials to show you. My father, I’m sure, is unbelievably appalled that I would show hated commercials on my site. I too hate commercials, but some are funny enough (I will probably still not buy their products, but whatever). My philosophy on commercials is counter to what the ad-agency assholes are going for, if a commercial is annoying or really bad, I will probably go out of my way not to buy their products.
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The Swear Jar: I got this one from my bro-in-law, this is high-lar-ious, motherfuckers.
Blind-date: We’ve got chemistry…
Office Linebacker: I wish I had one of these at my office.
ESPN Commercials: Most are hilarious, this is just one example…
I haven’t had the pleasure of entering a mall since last Christmas shopping season (that I can recollect that is, I could be repressing shocking memories of mall visits throughout the year for all I know). In between repeatedly vomiting in my mouth and swallowing, I had a few keen observations of the experience that I will share, whether you like it or not.
Malls suck (I apologize for this redundant statement, but it had to be recorded officially)
Fye sucks major dog-balls. How is this store still in business? I was checking out Fye’s selection of Movies, and even the older movies are well above what you can find elsewhere. (i.e., Christmas Story was 27 bucks, and Goodfellas was 28 bucks), and the new releases were in the 28 to 35 buck range. I had a movie in my hand (Spiderman 3), but couldn’t bring myself to take it to the counter, I felt like a sucker. Where is the value add here? I can buy new releases from Target, Walmart, Best Buy, etc etc for 15 to 20 bucks. Don’t shop at Fye unless you are a tool.
I weep for my future. There was a store called “American Girl” there, if and when my daughter smells this store, I am FUCKED! This store has all of the trappings of ruining my existence as I know it. Little pre-tweener girls were walking around the mall clutching their American Girl dolls with a hypnotized “buy me buy me” crazed look in their eyes. We had to distract my daughter with promises to see Mickey to break free of the spell. Which leads me to…
Disney sucks. Yeah, I already posted about this before, but Disney has little franchises of suck in most malls these days, and we got sucked into its black-hole…. again.
Mall Kiosks are like annoying spam. Heaven forbid if you even glance at one of their products, these guys (and gals) will be on you like flies on shit (or sorority chicks on Boone’s Farm). And after the kiosk folks get a hold of you it’s like removing a bad virus from your computer to get away. My advice, move quickly and don’t make any eye contact. If they engage with you, point at their crappy merch and yell “some fucker is making off with your shit” and then hit ‘em with a judo chop when they turn. Then run.
That’s all I can stomach to remember today, I threw up my mouth again and cried a little. I need to call my shrink.
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