I was reading a CNN.com article about the new sinful behaviors listed by the Vatican this morning with my 17 month old son on my lap, when the whole pope vs. poop argument began (click here for full article). This was the conversation with my son: I said while pointing at a picture of the Pope, “Look it’s the pope!”, he said “POOP!”, I replied “no, no… it’s POPE, not POOP”, he then started shrieking “POOP POOP POOP POOP!!!”. I’m not sure who won the argument.   The article noted:
A Vatican official has listed drugs, pollution and genetic manipulations as well as social and economic injustices as new areas of sinful behavior.
Well holy schniekies batman look out for an avalanche of bullshit. My head is spinning right now.  Drugs, what about alcohol? Hello!!!?? wine anybody? Pollution? I’m sure the Vatican doesn’t pollute as it is a small city, as well as all of the franchise churches spanning the globe, and how long has it been that being a dick makes it a sin? Genetic manipulations, since when has the church been afraid of science? I’m actually surprised they didn’t make the belief in evolution a sin. Social and Economic injustices… well this one just takes the cake. How many millions and billions of people were killed and tortured in the name of God and the church over the years? And the church itself has set itself up to be an elite society (and extremely affluent).
Are we missing something? I know, how about the priests sucking on the alter boy’s peckers? The article mentioned this:
Girotti said the Catholic Church continued to be concerned by other sinful acts, including abortion and pedophilia.
He said Church authorities had reacted with rigorous measures to child abuse scandals within the clergy, but he also claimed that the issue had been excessively emphasized by the media.
What was that? I couldn’t hear you Girotti, I nearly drowned from a tsunami of horse-shit and was hurling up road apples. Replace the words “rigorous measures to” with “covering up the” in the sentence above for a more accurate statement.
Come to think of it… I have a pretty smart 17 month old son.
According to a super-scientific poll of Total Diatribe readers, 38% of you feel that our great friend Huckabee becoming President is worse than going ass to mouth or being anally raped in prison. No big surprise here. Huckabee is so self-righteous, it has to be an act. In fact, I propose that Huckabee is evil and quite possibly the spawn of satan or the anti-christ. On that note, I never fully understood the concept of the anti-christ, so would life cease to exist like on Star Trek if JC and the anti-christ shook hands? Anyway, I guess the point is, I think Huckabee is a ginormous ass-bag and it appears that many TD readers would rather be stuck in the ass than have him as President.
Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. I didn’t realize that it was ash Wednesday until I saw a couple of dudes and dudettes wearing their ash crosses on their foreheads with pride after work. I’m a reformedex-catholic and I’ve almost forgotten the significance of some of these celebrations/rites/sacraments/sacramentals. The two most important things to remember about ash Wednesday are: 1) Carnival/Mardi Gras is over (i.e., it is the beginning of lent), and 2) You are going to die. Like I said, what a bummer. Not only does it announce the lent period has begun, where there isn’t supposed to be any flashing tits, heavy drinking, meat eating, or buggering animals, but it is supposed to remind you that you are going to end up like the ashes pasted on your skull. Now as an ex-catholic, I’m allowed to view flashed tits (or flash my own), drink heavily, and then eat a great big steak after I corn-hole the cow. God bless America…
Although I disagree with most modern religious dogma, particularly of those that are highly organized, I believe in family values and family traditions. I believe in much of what many religions preach at a basic moral level, however all of the other baggage that comes with sectarian belief is nonsense and has caused thousands of years of suffering (this is a post unto itself, but I digress). Because of this, I celebrate Christmas with my family from a non-affiliated perspective which includes family, loved ones, and taking note of what family togetherness means to us (mostly some good-natured ribbing). I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas no matter what your religious beliefs or reasons for celebrating are. Merry Christmas!
There is a lot of attention this time of year with discussions of the true meaning of Christmas. You know the sentimental type of stories about Bethlehem, the three wise men, the north star, no room in the inn, some gold and other shit, and finally a virgin pounding out a kid in a barn. That’s all bullshit. Also, the true meaning of Christmas is not loot, although to a kid, you bet your ass it is.
 Did you know?
The bible doesn’t mention a date for the birth of Christ, however common thoughts are that it was in the spring. Pope Julius I is credited with declaring December 25th the birthdate of Christ in the year 350 AD.
There were a number of pagan festivals or holidays celebrated around the winter solstice. This is the reason Pope Julius chose December 25th.
Norse Yule celebration where they set shit on fire
Mid-winter holiday in Germany where they worshiped a god (Oden) that would fly around at night in the winter and decide who would do well or do poorly (sounds like our pal Santa eh?)
Saturnalia in Rome (think of a month long Christmas orgy)
Santa
St. Nicholas, popular with the kids and shit, died around December 6th and people used to think it was a lucky day for decisions or big purchases
Dutch for St. Nicholas was Sint Nikolaas
Nickname was Sinter Klaas
Became Santa Claus in the early 1800’s
The gift-giving came right after that, then came those assholes in the mall
Christmas Trees
Evergreens meant a lot to those in cold climates, it symbolized life in winter and often boughs of evergreen were displayed in the homes around the winter soltice
Druids decorated their temples in winter with evergreen boughs as they symbolized everlasting life
In Egypt worshipers of Ra would decorate their homes with green palms during the winter solstice to mark the return of light
Germans are credited with bringing the whole fucking tree into the house in the 16th century (you couldn’t be satisfied with the branches could you?)
In the middle ages, most winter festivals were like today’s mardi gras. So this Christmas, go get drunk and laid and show your tits to a priest or small child. Live it up!
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