The political news desk here at Total Diatribe has exclusive and breaking news regarding Obama’s VP candidate.   He is a relative newcomer to the political scene, but has the potential to make a huge splash, his name is “Shutthafuckup And Pickalready”.  Although Shutthafuckup has little experience he does have a family history in politics as he is the first cousin of “Ilieuntil You Catchme”, and a lifelong best friend to “I’mfullofshit And Aliar” who has been seen everywhere around Washington these days.

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On the heels of my copyright infringement email (best. email. ever.) I received the second best email ever, this one was hate mail.  Evidently with Iran in the news lately posturing, testing missiles, and saber rattling, some dude found an old post (or two) from my site stating my position in Iran and the middle-east and took exception to it.  In this beautiful piece of hate mail, the dude posits that I am a bleeding heart liberal, a democrat, and recent college grad, I really thought this was special.  My most liberal trait is my belief in free speech, I am closing in on 40, I am a corporate raider, and I am a registered republican.  I would actually classify myself (if I had to classify myself) as an independent but fiscal conservative with strong opinions about everything.  And like most people with strong opinions, if your opinion is different than mine, then you are wrong.  So Mr. Neo-Conservative Bush lover, you are wrong, and my new favorite fucktard.  You should at least get to know somebody a bit more before taking the time to write a 4 paragraph insult laden hate mail, all of that info about me are in my posts.

Continuing on with my trend of free speech, I have posted this wonderful example of religious right focused sheep-like rage below including the email of the author “unityislife”.  What a great email handle, especially when you are a person who obviously hates Muslims or people who have different views of your own, you probably don’t even see just how big a hypocrite you are using that handle.  Click this link, it is a definition of unity, that might help in your education.  I included the email address in case you wanted to chat with him about his political views or help him petition for universal health-care or host some welfare people.  Check it out, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll lose 10 iq points.

From:	Shaun <XXXXX> (unityislife@yahoo.com)
Sent:	Thu 7/10/08 12:55 PM
Reply-to:	unityislife@yahoo.com
To:	totaldiatribe@hotmail.com (totaldiatribe@hotmail.com

Hey Dipshit,

Get your head out of your ass about Iran - they are a threat. They just tested missiles for the second day in a row. Ones capable of hitting Israel and the Straight of Hormuz. (which they have already threatened to shut down - and in case you aren’t aware, the Straight of Hormuz traffics roughly 40% of the world’s oil supply) If you take your head out of the liberal left’s lap long enough to do a little research you will find that Islam, whether Shiite, Sunni or otherwise has one main goal - that is to convert the infadels or kill them. Read a book about it sometime, or better yet pick up the Koran you asswipe. (Once you’ve picked it up - actually open it an read a little.)

Ever hear of the Iran hostage crisis? Based on your lack of respect for our country and the smacked-ass recent college grad vernacular with which you berate everything NOT liberal, it is probable that you have no historical perspective on Iran’s unwarranted hatred for everything West. (see item A - it’s a key component to Islamo-facism) You should also find it interesting to note Mr. Diatribe, that one of the orchestrators of the taking of 70 innocent Americans and holding them against their will for 444 days was none other than Mr. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the current President of Iran!  The very same man that calls for the destruction of Isreal at least once a week. The very same man who espouses doubts that the Holocaust or 9/11 ever happened. The very same administration that has been seeking nuclear capability for the past several years! Bush’s position on Iran is not “an agenda of agression” you bafoon! It is defensive posturing directed at a maniac terrorist who is holding a country of innocent Iranian citizens hostage and seeks to “wipe off the face of the earth” (in his words) Isreal and anything or anyone un-Islamic.

Bottom line, the Clinton administration was just as corrupt as every last one of them. He was getting his little dick sucked in the Oval Office while we were being attacked by Islamic terrorist the whole eight years he was in office. You tell me he was focused on this country’s well-being. He sure was great at dismantling the FBI and CIA though! Way to go Bill! Everything he accomplished worth a shit was at the hand of a very pursuasive Republican Congress. You appeasing liberals have been pushing the policy of coddling these dictators far too long and it’s about to smack us in the face. And when it does there is no doubt you will find a Republican and/or Conservative to blame.

Do us all a favor and pack up your Burkenstocks, your wire-rimmed glasses, your Yoko Ono records, incents, roach clips, and peace sign posters - put them in your 67 VW bus or Toyota Prius and board a ferry to the country of any one of these third world despots you love to defend. If you survive for more than a few days - let me know how it is. I’m so tired of you drivling, snot-nosed elitist liberals/democrats hating this country.

If you don’t like it here, get the fuck out!

Cordially,

Intelligent, Educated, Patriotic American

Intelligent:  Nope, you can’t even figure out how to use the spell checker, you misspelled infidels, aggression, buffoon, persuasive, Birkenstock, incense, and driveling.  Plus you don’t get what unity really is (unless you beleive that to make the world one is successful only if you make the world white and protestant).

Educated:  see above

Patriotic:  By patriot you must mean blind loyalty to the current administration.  I think I am much more of a patriot by questioning authority, not by being a sheep to the Bush-Cheney evil empire.

God bless you unityislife, Jebus and the TotalDiatribe love you.

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The following quote from CNN.com completely encapsulates how fucking stupid our asshole president is…  new estimates are that the war will cost 2.7 trillion dollars and thousands and thousands of lives… nuff said:

U.S. President George W. Bush claimed Wednesday that he had no regrets about the decision to invade Iraq and topple Saddam Hussein in 2003 and reiterated his determination to force Iran to halt its nuclear program.

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Say it isn’t so, our bullshit government has engaged in propaganda activity directly on US soil? The New York Times had a very interesting article yesterday titled: “Behind TV Analysts, Pentagon’s Hidden Hand“. No, the hidden hand wasn’t up Bush’s mostly retarded ass as I had originally guessed, it is actually in your pocket and mine, as well as up the skirts of school girls (the Pentagon is a dirty dirty place full of creepy pederasts). The article is a great read and goes into detail how the Bush Administration uses former military officials, who are now mostly tied up with the private sector defense industry, as embedded puppets at the major TV news outlets. Big surprise, FoxNews had the highest number of these ass-clowns followed by NBC, CNN, CBS and ABC. One warning, the article is fucking 11 pages long, most of us don’t have the attention span or time to dedicate to an article that long, but it was worth the extra minutes for me.

We all know suspect that the information flowing from the Bush Administration is bullshit, but now there is solid evidence of an information tampering program initiated by the assholes in charge of the country. They brought these “independent” analysts in and held private briefings with them with the exact message points the administration wanted to get out and then deployed them to the networks. And this shit works.

Hidden behind that appearance of objectivity, though, is a Pentagon information apparatus that has used those analysts in a campaign to generate favorable news coverage of the administration’s wartime performance, an examination by The New York Times has found.

The effort, which began with the buildup to the Iraq war and continues to this day, has sought to exploit ideological and military allegiances, and also a powerful financial dynamic: Most of the analysts have ties to military contractors vested in the very war policies they are asked to assess on air.

I really fucking hate this administration. And, I’m not sure if our government is realistically fixable.

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Here at Total Diatribe, we strive to be “fair and balanced” (unlike those fucking choads at Fox News) therefore simply stating that “Republicans are Assholes” conveys the message that I’m an objective hater of our current two party system. Right? … Right? … (*** crickets***)… Listen motherfuckers, if I say I’m objective, then I’m fucking objective, it’s kinda like when Bush says that he’s “conservative” or “conscious” or “human”. Anyway, a wise man/doll once said:

See, there’s three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes…. And all the assholes want us to shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes…. And if they didn’t fuck the assholes, you know what you’d get? You’d get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!

So if Democrats are Pussies, and Republicans are Assholes, who are the Dicks? I propose a third party for the Dicks in America, and not one of those fringe parties like the Green Party or the Libertarian Party, they are not really Dicks (maybe wussies or cock-rings). A good candidate for the Dick party would be the Nihilists, they could put on a good show and fuck some shit up. I would love to help form this party, I nominate Bill Clinton to head it up… he’ll fuck anything.

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New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson declared his allegiance to Obama on Friday, and he made the following statement on Sunday (click here for full article):

I am very loyal to the Clintons. I served under President Clinton. But I served well. And I served the country well. And he gave me that opportunity,” Richardson told “Fox News Sunday.”

“But you know … it shouldn’t just be Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton,” he said.

I’m no expert, but maybe Richardson should have said “I HAD been loyal to Clinton’s”, you see Merriam-Webster defines loyal as:

1: unswerving in allegiance: as a: faithful in allegiance to one’s lawful sovereign or government b: faithful to a private person to whom fidelity is due c: faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, or product

2: showing loyalty

At any rate, I really don’t give a fuck about Richardson’s opinion, and neither did most Democrats judging by his primary numbers. However, show some backbone dude. All of this minutia bullshit and bickering has fragmented your party and you guys are just fighting over the most inane details and scraps of power and influence that I’ve decided to label the entire party with the “pussy” moniker.

AND THEN come the ridiculous comments from the campaigns like Carville saying Richardson is like Judas, and Obama’s campaign likened Bill Clinton to McCarthyism when they took a quote out of context and claimed Clinton was questioning his patriotism. I don’t know about you, but I don’t respect whiny pussies, and I don’t know how I could vote for somebody from the PP (Pussy Party) at this point. On the other hand, I don’t exactly see eye-to-eye with crazy horse McCain either. I guess we’re just fucked for another 4 years, the good news is we’re getting used to it…. way to go Washington.

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I’m a little more than half way through the book Blackwater: The Rise of the World’s Most Powerful Mercenary Army, and I’ve come to an interesting hypothesis.  The privatization of the US Armed Services is taking free market economics (i.e., laissez-faire) too far.  In general I’m actually in favor of more privatization, especially on the services side of government like the DMV, Lottery, Toll Roads, tax, schools, etc if the proper oversight, controls and requirements are in place.  But the military?  I’m not so sure about that.  Do we want a private army (or several) fully armed with free reign to kill that sits outside of both our military and civilian justice systems?  I recommend that you read this book, it is guaranteed to piss you off no matter where you lie on the political spectrum (full disclosure, it is a left leaning book, but well cited and written).  This book will give you an insider view on how corrupt and arrogant our current administration is, and how a few people have the power to mold and create policy to profit their buddies and themselves.

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According to a super-scientific poll of Total Diatribe readers, 38% of you feel that our great friend Huckabee becoming President is worse than going ass to mouth or being anally raped in prison.  No big surprise here.  Huckabee is so self-righteous, it has to be an act.  In fact, I propose that Huckabee is evil and quite possibly the spawn of satan or the anti-christ.  On that note, I never fully understood the concept of the anti-christ, so would life cease to exist like on Star Trek if JC and the anti-christ shook hands?  Anyway, I guess the point is, I think Huckabee is a ginormous ass-bag and it appears that many TD readers would rather be stuck in the ass than have him as President.

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Episode 3:  Back to the Quo

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Episode 2:  Hiding the Pickle

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