The following quote from CNN.com completely encapsulates how fucking stupid our asshole president is…  new estimates are that the war will cost 2.7 trillion dollars and thousands and thousands of lives… nuff said:

U.S. President George W. Bush claimed Wednesday that he had no regrets about the decision to invade Iraq and topple Saddam Hussein in 2003 and reiterated his determination to force Iran to halt its nuclear program.

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Say it isn’t so, our bullshit government has engaged in propaganda activity directly on US soil? The New York Times had a very interesting article yesterday titled: “Behind TV Analysts, Pentagon’s Hidden Hand“. No, the hidden hand wasn’t up Bush’s mostly retarded ass as I had originally guessed, it is actually in your pocket and mine, as well as up the skirts of school girls (the Pentagon is a dirty dirty place full of creepy pederasts). The article is a great read and goes into detail how the Bush Administration uses former military officials, who are now mostly tied up with the private sector defense industry, as embedded puppets at the major TV news outlets. Big surprise, FoxNews had the highest number of these ass-clowns followed by NBC, CNN, CBS and ABC. One warning, the article is fucking 11 pages long, most of us don’t have the attention span or time to dedicate to an article that long, but it was worth the extra minutes for me.

We all know suspect that the information flowing from the Bush Administration is bullshit, but now there is solid evidence of an information tampering program initiated by the assholes in charge of the country. They brought these “independent” analysts in and held private briefings with them with the exact message points the administration wanted to get out and then deployed them to the networks. And this shit works.

Hidden behind that appearance of objectivity, though, is a Pentagon information apparatus that has used those analysts in a campaign to generate favorable news coverage of the administration’s wartime performance, an examination by The New York Times has found.

The effort, which began with the buildup to the Iraq war and continues to this day, has sought to exploit ideological and military allegiances, and also a powerful financial dynamic: Most of the analysts have ties to military contractors vested in the very war policies they are asked to assess on air.

I really fucking hate this administration. And, I’m not sure if our government is realistically fixable.

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Here at Total Diatribe, we strive to be “fair and balanced” (unlike those fucking choads at Fox News) therefore simply stating that “Republicans are Assholes” conveys the message that I’m an objective hater of our current two party system. Right? … Right? … (*** crickets***)… Listen motherfuckers, if I say I’m objective, then I’m fucking objective, it’s kinda like when Bush says that he’s “conservative” or “conscious” or “human”. Anyway, a wise man/doll once said:

See, there’s three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes…. And all the assholes want us to shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes…. And if they didn’t fuck the assholes, you know what you’d get? You’d get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!

So if Democrats are Pussies, and Republicans are Assholes, who are the Dicks? I propose a third party for the Dicks in America, and not one of those fringe parties like the Green Party or the Libertarian Party, they are not really Dicks (maybe wussies or cock-rings). A good candidate for the Dick party would be the Nihilists, they could put on a good show and fuck some shit up. I would love to help form this party, I nominate Bill Clinton to head it up… he’ll fuck anything.

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New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson declared his allegiance to Obama on Friday, and he made the following statement on Sunday (click here for full article):

I am very loyal to the Clintons. I served under President Clinton. But I served well. And I served the country well. And he gave me that opportunity,” Richardson told “Fox News Sunday.”

“But you know … it shouldn’t just be Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton,” he said.

I’m no expert, but maybe Richardson should have said “I HAD been loyal to Clinton’s”, you see Merriam-Webster defines loyal as:

1: unswerving in allegiance: as a: faithful in allegiance to one’s lawful sovereign or government b: faithful to a private person to whom fidelity is due c: faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, or product

2: showing loyalty

At any rate, I really don’t give a fuck about Richardson’s opinion, and neither did most Democrats judging by his primary numbers. However, show some backbone dude. All of this minutia bullshit and bickering has fragmented your party and you guys are just fighting over the most inane details and scraps of power and influence that I’ve decided to label the entire party with the “pussy” moniker.

AND THEN come the ridiculous comments from the campaigns like Carville saying Richardson is like Judas, and Obama’s campaign likened Bill Clinton to McCarthyism when they took a quote out of context and claimed Clinton was questioning his patriotism. I don’t know about you, but I don’t respect whiny pussies, and I don’t know how I could vote for somebody from the PP (Pussy Party) at this point. On the other hand, I don’t exactly see eye-to-eye with crazy horse McCain either. I guess we’re just fucked for another 4 years, the good news is we’re getting used to it…. way to go Washington.

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I’m a little more than half way through the book Blackwater: The Rise of the World’s Most Powerful Mercenary Army, and I’ve come to an interesting hypothesis.  The privatization of the US Armed Services is taking free market economics (i.e., laissez-faire) too far.  In general I’m actually in favor of more privatization, especially on the services side of government like the DMV, Lottery, Toll Roads, tax, schools, etc if the proper oversight, controls and requirements are in place.  But the military?  I’m not so sure about that.  Do we want a private army (or several) fully armed with free reign to kill that sits outside of both our military and civilian justice systems?  I recommend that you read this book, it is guaranteed to piss you off no matter where you lie on the political spectrum (full disclosure, it is a left leaning book, but well cited and written).  This book will give you an insider view on how corrupt and arrogant our current administration is, and how a few people have the power to mold and create policy to profit their buddies and themselves.

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According to a super-scientific poll of Total Diatribe readers, 38% of you feel that our great friend Huckabee becoming President is worse than going ass to mouth or being anally raped in prison.  No big surprise here.  Huckabee is so self-righteous, it has to be an act.  In fact, I propose that Huckabee is evil and quite possibly the spawn of satan or the anti-christ.  On that note, I never fully understood the concept of the anti-christ, so would life cease to exist like on Star Trek if JC and the anti-christ shook hands?  Anyway, I guess the point is, I think Huckabee is a ginormous ass-bag and it appears that many TD readers would rather be stuck in the ass than have him as President.

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Episode 3:  Back to the Quo

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Episode 2:  Hiding the Pickle

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Episode 1: On the Campaign Trail…

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Mukasey Mukasey Mukasey….. The Attorney General Michael Mukasey once again tap-danced around the issue if waterboarding was illegal and technically torture as he was grilled on the subject in front of the Senate yesterday.  I know this is lame, but I’m going to quote myself from a post I did on this subject in October when this human waste of skin was going through the nomination/confirmation process.  I said:

 I have an idea, let’s line up Bushy-poo, Cheney, Rice, Mr. Mukasey and all of the other neo-con war-birds who are for these methods and have them undergo “alternative” questioning.  After they are interrogated, we’ll poll them to see if they felt they were tortured.

As a coincidence, the Senate Democrats asked a question of Mukasey during the hearing and received this answer (Click here for full ABCnews.com article):

“Would waterboarding be torture if it was done to you?”

“I would feel that it was,” Mukasey answered.

It all really boils down to this, if Mukasey declares officially that waterboarding is torture and illegal, the CIA will be liable for litigation for performing this in the past, this is a cover up and CYA move by the assholes in charge of this country.  The problem is there is a loose definition of what torture is, it mostly includes what you can’t do (maim, rape, burn, etc. etc.).  An exclusionary list of things will never work effectively as the CIA or other clandestine organizations will always be able to come up with creative ideas of torture that aren’t technically torture by the legal definitions.

I have another idea, let’s strap Mukasey down to a board, I will have prepared for a month by working out and sitting in a sauna daily, AND will not shower for the month.  I will then dip my balls on his face (classic T-bag maneuver), he can then tell me if that is torture or not as it technically isn’t prohibited.

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