Archive for the 'personal' Category

Jun 23 2008

Multi-day hangover

In this installment of Stories from the road, our hero finds himself in Chicago.

Is the multi-day hangover a myth? Fuck no. I’ve got one. I remember the days when I could drink until 3, and then still make an 8 o’clock class the next morning (my notes would be unreadable and would smell like stale beer, but I still made the class). I just got back from Chicago where we drank like rock stars, told and re-told old stories, and realized our age all in one fell swoop. And then we re-told some old stories. The impetus for the trip was a reunion of a rugby team I used to play for, we had won a regional championship game for our division in Chicago 10 years ago and there were 3 international rugby matches scheduled for this past Saturday, so we scheduled the trip, took our pain medication, and went. I think there was a total of 18 guys on the trip.

Friday night was fairly typical reunion fare, a couple of us went to lovely Gary Indiana to play some poker while the bulk of guys went to the Cubs-Sox game. We all met up at bar/restaurant afterwards in the suburbs of Chicago. We sat around and bullshitted the night away while pounding down brew-dogs. And eventually closed the place down. I haven’t closed a bar in years.

Saturday is a rugby day. I only got about 3 hours of sleep (stupid internal clock), and after some greasy breakfast to lube up the gullet, we headed over to Toyota Park for the rugby matches. The first thing I noticed was that the parking lot was full of people drinking in groups of 10 or 15 and singing rugby songs. We entered the gate, and cracked open our first beer of the day. The time was 10:50 AM. We got into our seats on the 50 meter line and got ready for the first match (Ireland vs. Argentina, when the sun came out. I have mixed blood (mostly Irish and Scottish). This. No. Good. For. Sun. My face now glows a deep bright red and you can barbecue off of my forehead. Anyway, I moved into the shade soon after the first game, but too late. The good news was the beer kept flowing, so soon I didn’t feel my face too much.

The other matches of the day were fairly uneventful (England vs. Scotland, and US vs. Canada), my only comment is, we fucking suck. All told we were at the field for 7 hours boozing it up. We headed back to the wonderful Holiday Inn (nuthin but the best for our lot), and had a few more cold ones while we sat around and argued like little bitches about what we were going to do that night. In a moment of drunken clarity we came to the conclusion that some people are planners, some people are do-ers, and some people tell the do-ers what to do. And the do-ers get paid the least and do the most work (i.e., they’re fucked). But I digress. We eventually found a planner who planned an elaborate plan. The plan was, walk across the street to a sports bar. We’re fucking idiots. So a person that tells the do-ers what to do said “hey fuck-nuts, we’re leaving” and we left. Problem solved.

After some food and beer and shots and mustard and a little side of burning rage, we decided (again we needed a planner for this) to head over to a more “exotic” bar. In other words, we found a strip club. We ended up at the strip club and even the burning rage issue went away for some reason. All I could say was “god-damn we drink a lot” when I saw our bar-tab at the end of the night. We got a cab at 3:30 AM and headed back to the hotel. The last beer I finished, 3:20 AM. That’s 16+ straight hours of boozing it up if you’re keeping score at home (assuming I’m doing my math correctly course, remember the multi-day hangover thing?). I realized how old I am when I only got another 3 hours of sleep again (fucking bullshit stupid internal clock!!!).

I’m done… where’s the tylenol?

Owned Drunk

5 responses so far

Jun 19 2008

Fucking Slacker

Published by billymac under personal, rugby, travel, vacation

That would be me… the fucking slacker (or slackee).  I’ve been AWOL from the interwebz for a while attending to bidness and family.  It’s funny how life can get in the way of digital life.

Anyway, I’m off to Chicago this weekend to watch some rugby, play some poker, and drink some fucking beers (not necessarily in that order).  I haven’t watched a live rugby game since my trip to Ireland in 2002, I’m looking forward to this one, but again, I will feel like a slacker because I haven’t played in 8 or 9 years.  It was always better to play the game than watch it anyway, so I’ll have to get over my discomfort by pounding extra beers and acting like an even bigger asshole than I already am… somehow I don’t think this will be a problem.  Ciao bitches…

rugby shit

RMR0

5 responses so far

May 28 2008

General Meows Chicken

Published by billymac under cool, funny, personal, stuff

In a former life I was into geographic information systems (GIS), spatial analysis, remote sensing, computer cartography, and satellite imagery analysis. Now, not so much, but I still dig that shit. When I was in grad school, I had multiple courses that covered these subjects including spatial statistics and advanced GIS. I’ve also always thought that stats are bullshit (i.e., you can make any point you want by massaging your data… not your wiggly bits). Anyway, I tried to figure out how to make a research topic out of spatial stats and my “stats are bullshit” hypothesis. I came up with an idea, show a positive correlation between the spatial proximity of Chinese Restaurants and Animal Hospitals/Veterinarian Clinics. I started to gather the data in a small pilot area in East Tennessee (ok, it was in fucking Knoxville) and started to massage my… er, data. I started with a 1/2 mile radius around the Animal hospitals searching for Chinese Restaurants, there was a correlation, but not strong. I extended the radius to 1 mile and boom, positive correlation. What does this prove? Not a fucking thing, but it was fun. Over the years I lost my data and test cases, also, it was in the ’90s so I was limited by the data available. I would be interested in seeing this analyis performed with proper data as it is much more abundant today…

Remember, if you hear meowing while you are in a Chinese Restaurant, get the fuck out! (This actually happened to my wife and I, but at a Japanese restaurant in Baltimore)

Chinese Cats

RMR0

5 responses so far

May 21 2008

More obsessions

Published by billymac under cool, funny, personal, stuff

I finished watching the fourth season of The Wire on DVD and am dying to see the fifth season, but the fucking thing doesn’t come out until August. And like a “her-on” junkie from the show, I needed a new obsession. Lost isn’t doing it, I need a regular fix, and watching an hour a week or spreading it out over a season is for suckas. I’m now convinced that watching full seasons of shows on DVD is the only way to go. I have absolute control over what, when, and how. And I can fix-up a couple of shows a night if I get into it.

I actually don’t watch regular TV anymore. Can we dump our cable now? Hell no, we need Dora, Diego, Sesame Street, and the fucking-douchebag Wiggles for the crazy spawn on-demand.

My latest obsession is Entourage. I watched the first season in two days and am mid-way through the second season. Best line ever from the second season:

Dude, did you just get cock-blocked by Bob Saget?

Fucking classic…

Saget - Cockblocker

6 responses so far

May 12 2008

Quotes and shit

Published by billymac under cool, funny, personal, stuff

So I’m sitting in a coffee shop in the San Diego airport reading a book by Chuck Palahniuk (the dude that wrote Fight Club) and there was a great line in it. So great that I logged onto my laptop and was going to jot it down in notepad or something so I didn’t forget it. Then it occurred to me that if any airport in the world had terminal wide WiFi it would be this one… guess what, I was right. I love technology. Therefore, I just began to write this post.

Now, I love lines, quotes, lyrics, blurbs, or whatever you want to call them. The problem is, I can’t seem to remember them all as my short-term memory is shot to shit from too much unprotected sex in Haiti… wait, that’s hepatitis and my liver, never mind. At any rate, the excerpt that I was referring to is:

It’s not that I want to get married. I admire guys who can commit to a tattoo. - Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

What a great line, to denigrate marriage to window dressing in such a succinct manner, that is flippin genius. That led me to think of other biting lines I had read or heard over the years. I’m not referring to classic pickup lines like “Nice shoes, wanna fuck”, but more like:

  • People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch - Jack Nicholson, As good as it Gets
  • If you want to know who your friends are, get yourself a jail sentence - Charles Bukowski
  • The Universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest - Kilgore Trout
  • Be careful who you pretend to be, because you are who you pretend to be - Kurt Vonnegut
  • A patriot must always be prepared to defend his country against his government - Edward Abbey

And…

The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice. - Bill Murray, Caddyshack

RMR3

7 responses so far

May 01 2008

May

Published by billymac under funny, personal, sarcasm

Best. Month. Ever. Some of you choads probably think that December is the best month ever because of that stupid holiday, but you’re wrong, May rules. In fact, my month could kick the shit out of your month any day, I don’t even have to hold it down.

May signals the beginning of summer… don’t tell me that June 20th or the 21st is the first day of summer, I know that shit, but when you were in school, it was May. Even if your school didn’t let out until early June, you’ve checked out in May, and in college, it was May. The weather is right, not too hot, not too cold, the broads break out their summer dresses, it’s time to grill out again with a couple of cold ones (beers not icy cold bitches), and you just have this incredible urge to scream out “SUCK ME BEAUTIFUL” at the top of your lungs.

The icing on the cake for Month awesomeness is the fact that I was thrust upon the earth in mid-may. That’s right cheebs, I wasn’t just born I was created from a lump of fine clay mixed with gold, silver, platinum, wine, beer, syphilis, a retarded midget, and topped off with a pinch of bitterness and entitlement.

Anyway… May rules… later.

BBQ

RMR1

9 responses so far

Apr 09 2008

Fucking good TV

Published by billymac under cool, criminals, personal, pimping, stuff

So I was in Best Buy the other day salivating over a bunch of shit that I wanted to buy when I noticed an entire DVD section dedicated to HBO shows and movies. When I was browsing the titles, I came across the first four seasons of The Wire. I remembered reading somewhere that the show wasn’t just good, it was fucking good, and I decided to check it out. So I bought season 1, jerked-off on the clerk, and walked to car… ok I didn’t jerk-off on the clerk, that would be ridiculous, I just shat on her stomach. On my way home from Best Buy, I remembered where I read about the show, it was on Sadcox’s site. I think the word for his view on the show is evangelical. Check out his take on the show in the previous link, he has a much purtier mouth than I do… I just swear a lot. Anyway, I just finished up season 1 last night and bought season 2 during my lunch hour today, it has been exactly 6 days since I picked up the first season. Hello, my name is billymac, and I’m addicted to The Wire. Thanks Sadcox.

The Wire

RMR2

9 responses so far

Apr 03 2008

Baseball Sucks

Published by billymac under insane, personal, sports, stuff

Don’t worry, I’m not turning into a sports geek blog, but I really hate this time of year in terms of sports and I have to get this off of my chest.  For me, the time between March Madness and the kick-off of football season is a dead zone for sports.  Baseball fucking sucks, the NBA play-offs are boring as hell, and does hockey still have a league?

As far as baseball goes, the players are pussies, they won’t play in the rain or snow (or if the ump farts too loud), and they are overpaid prima-donnas.  The league minimum salary is $390,000 in 2008 and the average salary from 2007 was  $2.8 million, seriously let that sink in and remember that 2.8 is an AVERAGE.  Compare that salary to yours and think about what they offer in return for such huge salary’s… entertainment, often times shitty entertainment.  Anyway, 2.8 mil seems a bit low, isn’t it time for them to strike again?.

The season lasts 17 and half years with a 10 year play-off, and it’s like taking a cheese grater to your scrote to watch it on TV.  Granted, it is kinda fun to go to the ballpark every once and a while, but let’s face it, it is normally just an excuse to get wasted.  I think the reason hard-core baseball fans are such fucking stats dweebs is because the game is so mind-numbingly dull that they have to fill in the time with worthless trivia.

Jebus… I can’t wait until football season.

Chewie on the mound...

RMR1

15 responses so far

Apr 01 2008

Got Aggression?

Published by billymac under cool, personal, rugby, sports, stuff

In a former life I used to play rugby, actually, in a former life I used to LOVE rugby. I played for a little over 8 years starting in college and finishing with a couple of mens league teams. There are a number of reasons why rugby rules as a sport, it is truly a team sport, you can have 5 superstars on a team and still suck if the rest are mediocre, and the camaraderie among teammates and opponents is head and shoulders above other team sports. I miss all of the social aspects of the game and competition (I’m pretty much the most competitive motherfucker I know) but lately I really really really really miss the hits. I miss taking out all of the pent up aggression of the week from work or school out on the sad silly son-of-a-bitch that was my opposite. It turns out, that full-contact sports are therapeutic, I tried to take it out on the cat as a substitute, but it’s just not the same. And after you replace 19 cats in a month, the animal shelter gets suspicious. Anyway, I’ll leave you with some of the reasons why I miss rugby, check out these vids, the first is a good compilation of hits (full disclosure for those of you that don’t know the rules, there are a lot of illegal hits in this video), the second is of the haka… enjoy bitches…




9 responses so far

Mar 31 2008

How to generate customer loyalty

Published by billymac under cool, corporate, personal, pimping

My wife bought me a Bose “QuietComfort 2″ pair of headphones a couple of years back when I was a road warrior (no I wasn’t an Aussie with a mohawk that killed people for gas, I used to spend a shit-load of time on business trips). First off this product fucking rules, it makes most of airplane background noise go bye-bye and the quality of sound is excellent. So I’ve been enjoying these headphones for a couple of years and I’m pretty god-damned hard on most things (i.e., I can’t seem to NOT break shit like headphones, watches, balls, etc), when the plastic right above the right side snaps on my most recent trip to Vegas mid-flight. AND, it broke in the middle of the shit-tastic movie Jane Austin Club, personally, I think the headphones committed suicide because the movie sucked more than anything before… except Enchanted of course. Because I couldn’t find another set of headphones of better quality that didn’t cost my first-born, we went to the Bose store to buy another pair. It turns out that there was a recall on the model I had because of a plastic issue, and they offered to replace or allow me to upgrade for cheap. I ended up replacing it for free.

Let’s recap, 1) good customer service - they didn’t have to tell me about the recall and my headphones were over a year beyond the warranty, 2) free shit - they replaced the headset for free, and 3) good shit - quality product. That sounds like the winning combination for generating loyalty. Now I’m pimping their product to the person who reads this site, AND I’m listening to hard-core gangsta rap right now…. good times. “Fuck tha po-lice coming straight from the underground…”

Chewie rockin out

RMR3

11 responses so far

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