Preposterous Ponderings set up a word cloud via a tool called wordle, it’s a pretty cool little tool. For my cloud, I basically went to my home page and did a “select all”, pasted it in the wordle tool, and whiz-bang-asshole, the word cloud below was vomited from the inner workings of the interwebz onto your screen. Enjoy bitches…

Click below for the full image…

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I’ve seen this particular meme all over the place, basically it is to sum up “you” with a song (this tracks back to Simply Curious). This one was a no-brainer for me, it’s gotta be Cooky Puss by the Beasties. In a unrelated post, Sadcox called me mean the other day in his comments whilst tagging me with a different meme. BTW I totally resemble that remark as well as a no-talent ass-clown, the problem is he tagged with a meme that I have to link to 5 posts about myself and my family etc. The rules are:

Link One: must be about family
Link Two: must be about friends
Link Three: must be about yourself
Link Four: must be about something you love
Link Five: can be anything you choose

My first thought, “FUCK, I don’t write about my family and shit”, then I remembered my stories from the road posts, all five requirements can be met with one story. Basically most of my writing is bitching about other people and all of the shit that happens around me, so that’s all I got, except one post about pissing out of my ass (and nobody wants to relive that one so I’m not even linking it). I’m also a non-conformist and have major problems with authority, so I’m not going to tag anybody with this meme, that’s just how I roll.

Anyway, here’s Cooky Puss, enjoy.

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Hungry Mother  posted today about “5 things I would pick that no one in the US could do”.  It wasn’t a meme, however I’m fairly unoriginal so I’m posting about it anyway.  One quick note on HM’s post, he had as number 4, no wife can deviate from the dicta of Ephesians 5.  This is the passage that he was referring to.

 22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

That fucking rules!  I’m throwing mad props at the bible for this one… oh, yeah, let’s be clear on one thing, there is no fucking way this would fly in my house.

I’m changing it slightly to: 5 things I would pick that no one (anywhere) can do around me.

1. Whine about shit, nothing pisses me off more than a whiner, if you don’t like something, do something about it or let it off your chest, just don’t fucking whine about it loser.
2. Drive slow in the fast lane, or drive fast in the slow lane, hell, just don’t drive anywhere near me at any speed because whatever you do on the road is probably going to piss me off.
3. Preach to me.  Nothing gets the old blood-pressure up more than an uppity preaching prick or bitch.  Don’t you understand that I don’t give a hot shit about your god or whatever-the-fuck you are preaching to me?
4. Talk shit.  Walk the walk, don’t talk big about something and then not follow-through.  This is scalable to everything in life, down to kicking somebody’s ass all the way up to important stuff like raising your kids and choosing what brand of beer to drink.
5. Be too sensitive.  Don’t you hate it when somebody starts crying after you yell at them or chastise them?  Fucking shit makes me almost feel bad about it afterwards.

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Hungry Mother from Random Thoughts gave out a limp tag for the 7 weird facts meme, I’ve taken up the meme because deep deep down I like to talk about myself and how much I rule.  HM’s limp tag was a call for 7 folks from his blog-roll to take up the meme without a direct tag, I will also follow this logic, however my blog-roll is not as large.  If you’re on it (my blog-roll that is, not crack) post on the meme, or not, what-the-fuck-ever, just leave a comment to let us know if you took it up.

7 Weird Facts About Myself

• I attended Mardi Gras in New Orleans 7 years in a row (and even remember bits and pieces of one of the trips)
• I worked as the “beer guy” for a minor league baseball team in Knoxville, TN one summer
• I played Rugby in college and after college for around 8 or 9 years
• My luggage was lost in Cebu City, Philippines for 3 days on a business trip and I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt
• I was a celebrity in Shanghai, China for a couple of days, again on a business trip, who knew that big white guys are a draw in China?  (I had people following me with video cameras and posing me with their kids and shit)
• I worked at a summer sleep-away camp for 4 summers while in college (thats right, I was molding and forming young minds bitches!)
• I failed/dropped out of two Universities but actually got degrees at two different Universities… eventually

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Blogger extraordinaire Stealth of No Middle Ground Here fame has tagged me with a meme for “3 things you haven’t let go”.  For those of you that are uninformed (such as myself a couple of hours ago) a meme is defined by Webster as:

an idea, behavior, style, or usage that spreads from person to person within a culture

So I guess it’s kinda like a virus or super strain of the chain-letter (minus the “your arms will melt off and your cat will be raped if you don’t pass this on to 100 of your friends in 3 days” shit).  I wracked my brain for some time to come up with the magical three… could it be my heightened sense of self-aware awesomeness?  Probably not.  Or maybe my ability to sniff out bull-shit without sensing my own?  Nah.  Oh I know, my ability to piss off people in stellar moods?  Nope.  Possibly my ability to imbibe 78 beers without taking a piss?  Not a chance.  I guess I will have to settle for these three:

1. My Family.  Ok, I know this is pretty fucking lame but I tried to figure out a way to not include them, but it wasn’t happening.  When I talk about my family, I don’t just mean in the traditional nuclear sense of my immediate family or the family I grew up with.  Although they’re the most important of course, and I would walk through fire, a gauntlet of smelly unwashed euro-types, and watch ice-skating for them (ok maybe not ice-skating).  I also mean my family of close friends I’ve collected over the years, even if they do look a bit like a Howard Stern “wack-pack” group photo sometimes.
2. Movies.  I can build a cathedral with all of the DVD’s we own.  In our blood-lust for all things movie and DVD’s I’ve even found a couple of the fuckers that are still shrink-wrapped in the bottom of a box of hundreds of em.  Sometimes I think the old copies of Navy Seals and Porky’s Revengeare gettin it on in our storage closet and make all sorts of DVD babies (like when I find Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory or Sound of Music, I say “did I buy this shit?, and what’s with the goo?”).  The obsession doesn’t end with DVD’s, it extends to all the cable movie channels and movies in the theater.  Nearly all of our “Date-nights” have a movie involved.
3. My stubborn streak.  I’m too stubborn to be stubborn, Stubborn is billymac.  I don’t give a shit if you’re right or not, I’m not budging unless its my idea.  I CAN be manipulated, just ask my wife or kids or mom or neighbors or small squirrels or vagrants, but I will sure as shit not move until they convince me that I came up with the bright idea.  I’m also too stubborn to admit I’m stubborn, so this isn’t really me typing, it’s some sort of good-looking impostor.

Now in the tradition of the virus… er meme, I will now tag 3 unsuspecting and I’m sure ungrateful folks.  Let’s see, how about these three, because I know it will probably piss them off the most:

1. sadcox
2. hungry mother
3. mimzie

Good luck suckers…. and don’t let your cat get raped or your arms melt off!

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