Jun 27 2008
It’s Friday… photo caption time bitches. Click on the little blue button on the lower left side of the picture to bring up the Photocrank menu (or you can leave your caption in the comments if you are still into the old school). Have fun, but not too much fun… Peace out, and Billy Baldwin is a fucktard.
Jun 11 2008
Now that Bitch Hilary Clinton is most likely out of the picture. We as a nation can reflect on the partisan and nasty nature of how we campaign in this country, begin to repair the damage, and prepare for the class 5 hurricane that will be the general election. Who are we kidding, first we have to find a scapegoat (or goats) for why Clinton lost to boy-toy Obama. At the top of the list is her weed smokin fornicator husband Bill Clinton. I actually liked Bill Clinton in office, so what if he fucked around on Hilary, but let’s face it… is that really a surprise? I get chills just looking at her picture. The media is saddling him as a major contributor to the Hillary’s downfall but I blame her and all of the bitching and moaning.
Anyway, Dave Chappelle did a great stand-up act on Clinton years ago, I have embedded it below, check it out.
I couldn’t find the part of his stand-up act that talked about why he wouldn’t want to be the first black President. It was priceless. The payoff/punchline was that he would place an illegal immigrant as his VP (named Sanchez) as an insurance policy so that if somebody offs him, Sanchez would open up the border. Wouldn’t it be ironic if Obama chose Richardson as VP?
Jun 06 2008
It’s Friday… photo caption time bitches. Click on the little blue button on the lower left side of the picture to bring up the Photocrank menu (or you can leave your caption in the comments if you are still into the old school). Have fun, but not too much fun, Bush made that illegal as a part of the Patriot act.
May 29 2008
Sadcox is writing up comic strips about the characters he’s known over the years… I figured I would take away his thunder about me final-battle-in-8-Mile style in the two comics below.
May 28 2008
In a former life I was into geographic information systems (GIS), spatial analysis, remote sensing, computer cartography, and satellite imagery analysis. Now, not so much, but I still dig that shit. When I was in grad school, I had multiple courses that covered these subjects including spatial statistics and advanced GIS. I’ve also always thought that stats are bullshit (i.e., you can make any point you want by massaging your data… not your wiggly bits). Anyway, I tried to figure out how to make a research topic out of spatial stats and my “stats are bullshit” hypothesis. I came up with an idea, show a positive correlation between the spatial proximity of Chinese Restaurants and Animal Hospitals/Veterinarian Clinics. I started to gather the data in a small pilot area in East Tennessee (ok, it was in fucking Knoxville) and started to massage my… er, data. I started with a 1/2 mile radius around the Animal hospitals searching for Chinese Restaurants, there was a correlation, but not strong. I extended the radius to 1 mile and boom, positive correlation. What does this prove? Not a fucking thing, but it was fun. Over the years I lost my data and test cases, also, it was in the ’90s so I was limited by the data available. I would be interested in seeing this analyis performed with proper data as it is much more abundant today…
Remember, if you hear meowing while you are in a Chinese Restaurant, get the fuck out! (This actually happened to my wife and I, but at a Japanese restaurant in Baltimore)
May 21 2008
I finished watching the fourth season of The Wire on DVD and am dying to see the fifth season, but the fucking thing doesn’t come out until August. And like a “her-on” junkie from the show, I needed a new obsession. Lost isn’t doing it, I need a regular fix, and watching an hour a week or spreading it out over a season is for suckas. I’m now convinced that watching full seasons of shows on DVD is the only way to go. I have absolute control over what, when, and how. And I can fix-up a couple of shows a night if I get into it.
I actually don’t watch regular TV anymore. Can we dump our cable now? Hell no, we need Dora, Diego, Sesame Street, and the fucking-douchebag Wiggles for the crazy spawn on-demand.
My latest obsession is Entourage. I watched the first season in two days and am mid-way through the second season. Best line ever from the second season:
Dude, did you just get cock-blocked by Bob Saget?
Fucking classic…
May 15 2008
There is something seriously wrong with me. I can’t stop laughing when I see this scene (click below). The first time I saw it, I literally couldn’t breathe and had tears streaming down my face like a little bitch. I still giggle like a school boy when I see it. I need professional help.
May 12 2008
So I’m sitting in a coffee shop in the San Diego airport reading a book by Chuck Palahniuk (the dude that wrote Fight Club) and there was a great line in it. So great that I logged onto my laptop and was going to jot it down in notepad or something so I didn’t forget it. Then it occurred to me that if any airport in the world had terminal wide WiFi it would be this one… guess what, I was right. I love technology. Therefore, I just began to write this post.
Now, I love lines, quotes, lyrics, blurbs, or whatever you want to call them. The problem is, I can’t seem to remember them all as my short-term memory is shot to shit from too much unprotected sex in Haiti… wait, that’s hepatitis and my liver, never mind. At any rate, the excerpt that I was referring to is:
It’s not that I want to get married. I admire guys who can commit to a tattoo. - Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor
What a great line, to denigrate marriage to window dressing in such a succinct manner, that is flippin genius. That led me to think of other biting lines I had read or heard over the years. I’m not referring to classic pickup lines like “Nice shoes, wanna fuck”, but more like:
- People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch - Jack Nicholson, As good as it Gets
- If you want to know who your friends are, get yourself a jail sentence - Charles Bukowski
- The Universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest - Kilgore Trout
- Be careful who you pretend to be, because you are who you pretend to be - Kurt Vonnegut
- A patriot must always be prepared to defend his country against his government - Edward Abbey
And…
The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice. - Bill Murray, Caddyshack
May 08 2008
It’s Friday… Photo caption contest. Try to use the photocrank tool on the picture as well as the comments, the photocrank tool is really working out well. To use it just click on the photocrank widget on the lower right side of the picture, it will bring up a menu system and then you can crank away (on the picture that is… sleeping with altar boys when you are a priest is bad, mmmkay?). Enjoy!
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