Although I disagree with most modern religious dogma, particularly of those that are highly organized, I believe in family values and family traditions.  I believe in much of what many religions preach at a basic moral level, however all of the other baggage that comes with sectarian belief is nonsense and has caused thousands of years of suffering (this is a post unto itself, but I digress).  Because of this, I celebrate Christmas with my family from a non-affiliated perspective which includes family, loved ones, and taking note of what family togetherness means to us (mostly some good-natured ribbing).  I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas no matter what your religious beliefs or reasons for celebrating are.  Merry Christmas!

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This time of year we are bombarded with Christmas themes everywhere we go, to be honest with you it is fairly nauseating to me, especially when fucking Wal-Mart rolls out the Christmas shit in late July.  Anyway, just to prove that I’m not all hum-bug, I’ve compiled a short list of my favorite Christmas movies and shows.

TD’s Top 5 Christmas Movies:

1. A Christmas Story.  If you don’t like this movie you should leave this site now.  Seriously, don’t come back.
2. Christmas Vacation.  Nothing puts me in the Christmas spirit more than watching Clark wig out and cousin Eddie empty his shitter in the storm drain.
3. The Nightmare Before Christmas.  Okay, you got me.  I’m into some wierd shit sometimes, what can ya do?
4. Scrooged.  I like this adaptation of A Christmas Carol.
5. Gremlins.  It’s a bit of stretch as it is set around Christmas but not about Christmas, but sue me, it’s my fucking show here people.  Another couple of good ones set around Christmas but not about Christmas are Die Hard and Lethal Weapon.

What’s NOT on this list?  It’s a Wonderful Life, sorry it’s suckalicious.

TD’s Top 5 Christmas TV Shows:

1. How the Grinch Stole Christmas.  Bar-none, the best Christmas show from my childhood.
2. A Charlie Brown Christmas.  Charlie Brown is a loser, yet we still love him.
3. South Park Pilot, Santa vs. Jesus.  I was totally rooting for Santa on this one, and what a great concept for a story.
4. Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.  Where all Rudolph wanted to do was get laid, and Santa was an asshole.  Good Times.
5. Frosty the Snowman.  Lame, but another choice from my childhood.

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There is a lot of attention this time of year with discussions of the true meaning of Christmas.  You know the sentimental type of stories about Bethlehem, the three wise men, the north star, no room in the inn, some gold and other shit, and finally a virgin pounding out a kid in a barn.  That’s all bullshit.  Also, the true meaning of Christmas is not loot, although to a kid, you bet your ass it is.

 Did you know?

• The bible doesn’t mention a date for the birth of Christ, however common thoughts are that it was in the spring.  Pope Julius I is credited with declaring December 25th the birthdate of Christ in the year 350 AD.
• There were a number of pagan festivals or holidays celebrated around the winter solstice.  This is the reason Pope Julius chose December 25th.
  • Norse Yule celebration where they set shit on fire
  • Mid-winter holiday in Germany where they worshiped a god (Oden) that would fly around at night in the winter and decide who would do well or do poorly (sounds like our pal Santa eh?)
  • Saturnalia in Rome (think of a month long Christmas orgy)
• Santa
  • St. Nicholas, popular with the kids and shit, died around December 6th and people used to think it was a lucky day for decisions or big purchases
  • Dutch for St. Nicholas was Sint Nikolaas
  • Nickname was Sinter Klaas
  • Became Santa Claus in the early 1800’s
  • The gift-giving came right after that, then came those assholes in the mall
• Christmas Trees
  • Evergreens meant a lot to those in cold climates, it symbolized life in winter and often boughs of evergreen were displayed in the homes around the winter soltice
  • Druids decorated their temples in winter with evergreen boughs as they symbolized everlasting life
  • In Egypt worshipers of Ra would decorate their homes with green palms during the winter solstice to mark the return of light
  • Germans are credited with bringing the whole fucking tree into the house in the 16th century (you couldn’t be satisfied with the branches could you?)

In the middle ages, most winter festivals were like today’s mardi gras.  So this Christmas, go get drunk and laid and show your tits to a priest or small child.  Live it up!

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