You hafta hand it to the GOP, they certainly shook it up by choosing Palin as Veep candidate.  And when I say “it”, I mean their cocks.  Judging by the Democrat’s reaction, they are either really scared of McCain’s choice or they are loving life.  I just love the irony of the Democrats attacking Palin’s experience, they should have just said that a minority in the White House is a bad idea.  Do you think that at the end of the day, McCain just wants to bang Palin?

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It’s Friday… photo caption time.  This week in honor of the 2008 election, you can cut the bullshit in the air with a knife.  Click on the little blue button on the lower left side of the picture to bring up the Photocrank menu (or you can leave your caption in the comments if you are still into the old school method).  Have fun.

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I haven’t watched a minute of the Democratic National Convention.  The primary reason is I already know the substance of all the speeches.

Blah Blah Blah, look at me, look at me, vote for me, I can change shit.  Give me power.

Followed by.

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, I’m going to bring out a dying man now to exploit him even though he is full of shit too.  Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Bottom line, the government in this country is broken, and the politicians, lobbyists, MIC, and media have won.   We don’t have a democracy, we have an oligarchy.  I’m a true cynic now.  The only small ray of hope in this go-around was that Ron Paul got some attention for saying the right things and drumming up some minimal support.  But he didn’t really have an honest shot at making a difference, the deck is stacked against him or any other real reformist candidate.

Is there an answer to this mess?

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The political news desk here at Total Diatribe has exclusive and breaking news regarding Obama’s VP candidate.   He is a relative newcomer to the political scene, but has the potential to make a huge splash, his name is “Shutthafuckup And Pickalready”.  Although Shutthafuckup has little experience he does have a family history in politics as he is the first cousin of “Ilieuntil You Catchme”, and a lifelong best friend to “I’mfullofshit And Aliar” who has been seen everywhere around Washington these days.

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Now that Bitch Hilary Clinton is most likely out of the picture. We as a nation can reflect on the partisan and nasty nature of how we campaign in this country, begin to repair the damage, and prepare for the class 5 hurricane that will be the general election. Who are we kidding, first we have to find a scapegoat (or goats) for why Clinton lost to boy-toy Obama. At the top of the list is her weed smokin fornicator husband Bill Clinton. I actually liked Bill Clinton in office, so what if he fucked around on Hilary, but let’s face it… is that really a surprise? I get chills just looking at her picture. The media is saddling him as a major contributor to the Hillary’s downfall but I blame her and all of the bitching and moaning.

Anyway, Dave Chappelle did a great stand-up act on Clinton years ago, I have embedded it below, check it out.

I couldn’t find the part of his stand-up act that talked about why he wouldn’t want to be the first black President. It was priceless. The payoff/punchline was that he would place an illegal immigrant as his VP (named Sanchez) as an insurance policy so that if somebody offs him, Sanchez would open up the border. Wouldn’t it be ironic if Obama chose Richardson as VP?

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New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson declared his allegiance to Obama on Friday, and he made the following statement on Sunday (click here for full article):

I am very loyal to the Clintons. I served under President Clinton. But I served well. And I served the country well. And he gave me that opportunity,” Richardson told “Fox News Sunday.”

“But you know … it shouldn’t just be Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton,” he said.

I’m no expert, but maybe Richardson should have said “I HAD been loyal to Clinton’s”, you see Merriam-Webster defines loyal as:

1: unswerving in allegiance: as a: faithful in allegiance to one’s lawful sovereign or government b: faithful to a private person to whom fidelity is due c: faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, or product

2: showing loyalty

At any rate, I really don’t give a fuck about Richardson’s opinion, and neither did most Democrats judging by his primary numbers. However, show some backbone dude. All of this minutia bullshit and bickering has fragmented your party and you guys are just fighting over the most inane details and scraps of power and influence that I’ve decided to label the entire party with the “pussy” moniker.

AND THEN come the ridiculous comments from the campaigns like Carville saying Richardson is like Judas, and Obama’s campaign likened Bill Clinton to McCarthyism when they took a quote out of context and claimed Clinton was questioning his patriotism. I don’t know about you, but I don’t respect whiny pussies, and I don’t know how I could vote for somebody from the PP (Pussy Party) at this point. On the other hand, I don’t exactly see eye-to-eye with crazy horse McCain either. I guess we’re just fucked for another 4 years, the good news is we’re getting used to it…. way to go Washington.

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According to a super-scientific poll of Total Diatribe readers, 38% of you feel that our great friend Huckabee becoming President is worse than going ass to mouth or being anally raped in prison.  No big surprise here.  Huckabee is so self-righteous, it has to be an act.  In fact, I propose that Huckabee is evil and quite possibly the spawn of satan or the anti-christ.  On that note, I never fully understood the concept of the anti-christ, so would life cease to exist like on Star Trek if JC and the anti-christ shook hands?  Anyway, I guess the point is, I think Huckabee is a ginormous ass-bag and it appears that many TD readers would rather be stuck in the ass than have him as President.

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Yesterday, good ole vagina-neck Thompson dropped out of the race for the GOP Presidential candidacy (click here for full article). The Total Diatribe crack (smoking) action news-team originally broke the story of Thompson’s vaginal neck and how it would effect his voting draw in November. It now appears that Total Diatribe’s ability to positively correlate Thompson’s conflicting messages of an increase in the war on terror and the military industrial complex (MIC) with tax reform (cuts) and government spending reforms to his vagina-neck have created too much pressure for Thompson to continue in the race. The first signs of trouble were seen after his lackluster campaign placed third (basically a tie for third w/ McCain) in the Iowa caucuses behind Huckabee and Romney. Ever since then there have been sightings of a suspicious substance near his va-jay-jay neck. My first thought was, “holy shit, Huckabee must have banged him in his vagina neck! Sick!”, but upon closer inspection by the TD action news-team, it appears that Thompson’s neck has contracted a yeast infection and he has been treating it with over-the-counter ointment. I just knew the pressure would be too much for him, good luck to you Thompson, and please don’t allow Huckabee to get close to your neck.

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In late December I called Huckabee a scary dude, now I’m leaning towards shocking and terrifying. Hungry Mother filled me in on Huckabee’s inflammatory comments regarding changing the constitution (click here for youtube clip). Here was what Huckabee had to say (click here for full article):

“[Some of my opponents] do not want to change the Constitution, but I believe it’s a lot easier to change the constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God, and that’s what we need to do is to amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than try to change God’s standards

Steve over at the Axis recently had these words to say about the matter:

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you with your Republican winner of the Iowa caucus, Mr. Osama Bin Laden. Ooops, did I say that? It appears that I got my fundamentalist extremists confused there for a minute. I believe that was actually Mike Huckabee who won in Iowa.

I couldn’t agree with Steve more, we talk about State run terrorism and Islamic Extremists, but look no further than our own backyard, Bush has always flirted with the Religious Right and our extremist Evangelical Christians for votes, cash, and sex (I’m just guessing about the sex), but Huckabee has drunk the Kool-Aid.

However. The crack Total Diatribe action propaganda news-team has uncovered that Huckabee is only pretending to be a Christian conservative, yeah sure he was a former Baptist Minister, but we have uncovered his true mentor and spiritual guide. Who could this be you ask? None other than that guy from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, I know it is shocking, but as far as religious extremists go, one is no better than the other. Please see the obviously real, and not doctored in any way, visual evidence laid out below for proof. God (pun intended) have mercy on our souls if this guy is elected.

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Did I say superfight? I meant super-lame. The racially themed squabble between the Democratic front-runners smacked of an avalanche of bullshit. I mean we were clobbered by it from all sides. Obama and his camp accused Clinton and her crew of belittling Martin Luther King Jr’s civil rights work and Clinton’s cronies shot back with the drug talk. This is why I have such a huge problem with Democrats, they are cry-baby whiners. “Oh stop, look at what they’re doing, that’s not fair!!” These guys (and gal) should just shut the fuck up and stick to the real issues. If they spent half of their energy on real platform items instead of meaningless bickering and partisan BS, they may actually get someplace. I knew that the race card would be played eventually, I’m just waiting for Clinton to cry to get the women vote…. What? Oh she already did that? Well shit.  I’m extremely disappointed in all of the Democratic candidates and their recent performance in Congress, they are just whiners… my advice, quit complaining and do something about it (it being anything other than their self-interests).

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