I ran into a Scott Adams piece on CNN.com (click here) and he had a nearly perfect quote about the 2008 elections. For those of you who don’t know Scott Adams, he is the Dilbert guy, and you may not be a big enough geek to like his shit. The good news is, I am a most certainly a big enough geek to make up for the rest of you unwashed “cool” people. Anyway, here is the quote:
Moneywise, I can’t support a candidate who promises to tax the bejeezus out of my bracket, give the windfall to a bunch of clowns with a 14 percent approval rating (Congress), and hope they spend it wisely.
Unfortunately, the alternative to the guy who promises to pillage my wallet is a lukewarm cadaver. I’m in trouble either way.
I would only add that that lukewarm cadaver is also going to increase spending on his little “wars”, but he won’t tax you, he will just increase deficit spending.
Republican Rep. Ron Paul of Texas called on voters to back a third-party candidate for president Wednesday, rejecting his party’s nominee and offering equally harsh words for the Democratic candidate.
I get NOT voting for a the two status-quo partys, but I’m not going to vote for a third-party candidate “just cuz”. They have to earn my vote just as much as the assholes from the Dems and Pubs. I’ll probably end up just writing in a vote for RP.
You hafta hand it to the GOP, they certainly shook it up by choosing Palin as Veep candidate. And when I say “it”, I mean their cocks. Judging by the Democrat’s reaction, they are either really scared of McCain’s choice or they are loving life. I just love the irony of the Democrats attacking Palin’s experience, they should have just said that a minority in the White House is a bad idea. Do you think that at the end of the day, McCain just wants to bang Palin?
It’s Friday… photo caption time. This week in honor of the 2008 election, you can cut the bullshit in the air with a knife. Click on the little blue button on the lower left side of the picture to bring up the Photocrank menu (or you can leave your caption in the comments if you are still into the old school method). Have fun.
I haven’t watched a minute of the Democratic National Convention. The primary reason is I already know the substance of all the speeches.
Blah Blah Blah, look at me, look at me, vote for me, I can change shit. Give me power.
Followed by.
Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, I’m going to bring out a dying man now to exploit him even though he is full of shit too. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
Bottom line, the government in this country is broken, and the politicians, lobbyists, MIC, and media have won. We don’t have a democracy, we have an oligarchy. I’m a true cynic now. The only small ray of hope in this go-around was that Ron Paul got some attention for saying the right things and drumming up some minimal support. But he didn’t really have an honest shot at making a difference, the deck is stacked against him or any other real reformist candidate.
The political news desk here at Total Diatribe has exclusive and breaking news regarding Obama’s VP candidate. He is a relative newcomer to the political scene, but has the potential to make a huge splash, his name is “Shutthafuckup And Pickalready”. Although Shutthafuckup has little experience he does have a family history in politics as he is the first cousin of “Ilieuntil You Catchme”, and a lifelong best friend to “I’mfullofshit And Aliar” who has been seen everywhere around Washington these days.
Now that Bitch Hilary Clinton is most likely out of the picture. We as a nation can reflect on the partisan and nasty nature of how we campaign in this country, begin to repair the damage, and prepare for the class 5 hurricane that will be the general election. Who are we kidding, first we have to find a scapegoat (or goats) for why Clinton lost to boy-toy Obama. At the top of the list is her weed smokin fornicator husband Bill Clinton. I actually liked Bill Clinton in office, so what if he fucked around on Hilary, but let’s face it… is that really a surprise? I get chills just looking at her picture. The media is saddling him as a major contributor to the Hillary’s downfall but I blame her and all of the bitching and moaning.
Anyway, Dave Chappelle did a great stand-up act on Clinton years ago, I have embedded it below, check it out.
I couldn’t find the part of his stand-up act that talked about why he wouldn’t want to be the first black President. It was priceless. The payoff/punchline was that he would place an illegal immigrant as his VP (named Sanchez) as an insurance policy so that if somebody offs him, Sanchez would open up the border. Wouldn’t it be ironic if Obama chose Richardson as VP?
New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson declared his allegiance to Obama on Friday, and he made the following statement on Sunday (click here for full article):
I am very loyal to the Clintons. I served under President Clinton. But I served well. And I served the country well. And he gave me that opportunity,” Richardson told “Fox News Sunday.”
“But you know … it shouldn’t just be Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton,” he said.
I’m no expert, but maybe Richardson should have said “I HAD been loyal to Clinton’s”, you see Merriam-Webster defines loyal as:
1: unswerving in allegiance: asa: faithful in allegiance to one’s lawful sovereign or governmentb: faithful to a private person to whom fidelity is duec: faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, or product
At any rate, I really don’t give a fuck about Richardson’s opinion, and neither did most Democrats judging by his primary numbers. However, show some backbone dude. All of this minutia bullshit and bickering has fragmented your party and you guys are just fighting over the most inane details and scraps of power and influence that I’ve decided to label the entire party with the “pussy” moniker.
AND THEN come the ridiculous comments from the campaigns like Carville saying Richardson is like Judas, and Obama’s campaign likened Bill Clinton to McCarthyism when they took a quote out of context and claimed Clinton was questioning his patriotism. I don’t know about you, but I don’t respect whiny pussies, and I don’t know how I could vote for somebody from the PP (Pussy Party) at this point. On the other hand, I don’t exactly see eye-to-eye with crazy horse McCain either. I guess we’re just fucked for another 4 years, the good news is we’re getting used to it…. way to go Washington.
According to a super-scientific poll of Total Diatribe readers, 38% of you feel that our great friend Huckabee becoming President is worse than going ass to mouth or being anally raped in prison. No big surprise here. Huckabee is so self-righteous, it has to be an act. In fact, I propose that Huckabee is evil and quite possibly the spawn of satan or the anti-christ. On that note, I never fully understood the concept of the anti-christ, so would life cease to exist like on Star Trek if JC and the anti-christ shook hands? Anyway, I guess the point is, I think Huckabee is a ginormous ass-bag and it appears that many TD readers would rather be stuck in the ass than have him as President.
Yesterday, good ole vagina-neck Thompson dropped out of the race for the GOP Presidential candidacy (click here for full article). The Total Diatribe crack (smoking) action news-team originally broke the story of Thompson’s vaginal neck and how it would effect his voting draw in November. It now appears that Total Diatribe’s ability to positively correlate Thompson’s conflicting messages of an increase in the war on terror and the military industrial complex (MIC) with tax reform (cuts) and government spending reforms to his vagina-neck have created too much pressure for Thompson to continue in the race. The first signs of trouble were seen after his lackluster campaign placed third (basically a tie for third w/ McCain) in the Iowa caucuses behind Huckabee and Romney. Ever since then there have been sightings of a suspicious substance near his va-jay-jay neck. My first thought was, “holy shit, Huckabee must have banged him in his vagina neck! Sick!”, but upon closer inspection by the TD action news-team, it appears that Thompson’s neck has contracted a yeast infection and he has been treating it with over-the-counter ointment. I just knew the pressure would be too much for him, good luck to you Thompson, and please don’t allow Huckabee to get close to your neck.
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