Oct 26 2008
Who declared national redneck day?
So I’m with my 2 year old boy at a local indoor playground today. There are a million of these types of places around with the inflatable bounce rooms and slides and shit. I’m generally in a meh mood because I’m even at the place, when I start noticing the other clientelle. I’ve been at this place at least a dozen times, and the other folks were normally in the same socio-demographic group that I’m a member of, you know, entitled assholes. Today was different. The first clue that something was amiss was when I caught glimpse of a bright yellow mullet out of the corner of my eyes. I had to give a double take, the dude was in his 50’s had a bleach blonde mullet, and get this. Feathered Bangs! They were so impressive that they deserved to be capitalized. He even had a long handled comb in his back pocket. Then I start noticing middle and high school aged crackers running all over the place and jumping around on the apparatus (and scaring the shit outta my boy). Typically there are 1 to 7 year olds there, this was something else. By this time my redneck senses were going ape-shit. Shiny light would blind me from keychains attached to belt-loops, I saw not one but two neck tatoos, and a pod of rednecks changed the channel on the TV in the parents area from Football to NASCAR… WTF!! For some context, I grew up among the rednecks in rural Pennsylvania, only we didn’t call them rednecks, in PA they were called hicks. Same difference. However, I can speak their language. I’m struggling if I want my boy to be fluent in redneck or not. I think it’s inevitable, so I should embrace it. I already purchased him a rusty Chevey Blazer with ultra-patriotic bumper stickers. So he’s got that going for him… which is nice.
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Make sure he can say, “Get ‘er done!”
You know they make phones with cameras on them now, right? You suck for witnessing this and not posting pics of it.
@sadcox: jesus you’re right… i do fucking suck, that would have been awesome. my phone even has a pretty good camera in it.
Just curious - but did they have an inflatable burning cross?
What do you expect when you go to “Chuck E. David Duke’s?”
@billymac
It’s not that big of a deal. I just stepped out onto the front porch to take a leak and saw everything you just described and more.
But your other readers may not have redneck neighbors like I do.
Sounds like a recent trip I made to Chuck E. Cheese with my niece. Only the people I encountered seemed to be inbred rednecks. It was really, REALLY hard to look away.
Awesome indeed, will get one. its not a rip-off.
i like this