This is a visiting post by Hungry Mother :

OK, bitches, time for the Friday Caption Contest, Halloween Style. Caption with Crank or comment. The prize is the usual stinking pile of nothing.

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So I’m with my 2 year old boy at a local indoor playground today.  There are a million of these types of places around with the inflatable bounce rooms and slides and shit.  I’m generally in a meh mood because I’m even at the place, when I start noticing the other clientelle.  I’ve been at this place at least a dozen times, and the other folks were normally in the same socio-demographic group that I’m a member of,  you know, entitled assholes.   Today was different.  The first clue that something was amiss was when I caught glimpse of a bright yellow mullet out of the corner of my eyes.  I had to give a double take, the dude was in his 50’s had a bleach blonde mullet, and get this.  Feathered Bangs!  They were so impressive that they deserved to be capitalized.  He even had a long handled comb in his back pocket.  Then I start noticing middle and high school aged crackers running all over the place and jumping around on the apparatus (and scaring the shit outta my boy).  Typically there are 1 to 7 year olds there, this was something else.  By this time my redneck senses were going ape-shit.  Shiny light would blind me from keychains attached to belt-loops, I saw not one but two neck tatoos, and a pod of rednecks changed the channel on the TV in the parents area from Football to NASCAR… WTF!!  For some context, I grew up among the rednecks in rural Pennsylvania, only we didn’t call them rednecks, in PA they were called hicks.  Same difference.  However, I can speak their language.  I’m struggling if I want my boy to be fluent in redneck or not.  I think it’s inevitable, so I should embrace it.  I already purchased him a rusty Chevey Blazer with ultra-patriotic bumper stickers.  So he’s got that going for him… which is nice.

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Photo caption time.  Click on the little blue button on the lower left side of the picture to bring up the Photocrank menu (or you can leave your caption in the comments if you are still into the old school method).  Have fun.  Peace.

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Or GIMP in my case.  Hat tip to Newscoma who tweeted on this today.  Evidently there was a photoshop contest for altering a McCain tongue out pic from one of the debates here.  I missed the contest, but I’m posting what would have been my entries.   Check out the full contest, there are some hilarious ones there.  Feel free to Crank the pics with Photocrank…

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Ok, get ready for diarrhea of the keyboard.

So I got back from the geek conference on Friday (not to worry, I didn’t wear my full length Chewbacca costume this time) and went right to a Halloween party this weekend… for the kids.  Let’s just say the highlight of the party for me was when I was getting my daughter out of her car seat when we arrived, my left calf started to really itch.  I pull her out of her car seat and am holding her in my arms when I look down at my now burning leg to see that I’m standing on a fucking Georgia fire-ant metropolis, and they are throwing a “fuck-you” party on my leg.  After dancing around and yelling like an asshole for a few minutes we went to the party.   I also got to miss Penn State beating the shit out of Michigan in the second half…. shit.  Later that night the girl has a fever and ends up with strep throat.  Awesome.

Sunday was a lazy day, we did jack shit in the morning, which was spectacular and then shopped for the week and carved the biggest fucking pumpkin ever that night.  This pumpkin is so big, I could shove both of my kids in there and light the candles…. not that I would ever do that, again.  Monday was back to the grind, dealing with hundreds of unread emails and voicemails, and general work shit.

Which leads to today.  Today is two weeks away from election day.  I’m struggling with the fact that I am going to make a protest vote (most likely a write-in for Ron Paul) that nobody will notice or care about.  But after much reflection, it is the only vote that I can make with a clear conscious, so what if it is “throwing away my vote”, I’m not going to vote for somebody who I think will do a bad job just because he is the lesser of two evils.  If enough people say enough is enough, maybe they can make a difference.  Doubtful, but one can always hope on a Tuesday morning.

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So I’m in Florida this week for a technical conference that is full of IT nerds.  A shitload of fucking nerds, geeks, and chips, dips, and dorks.  When I say a shitload, I mean a fucking shitload, like 6 or 7 thousand of em.  As I’m looking at this sea of awkward dudes and the occasional woman (btw, if you were a chick looking to get laid at this conference and couldn’t… then there’s no hope for ya) with disdain, it slowly comes to me.  I understand these people.  I kinda look like them.  I do the same thing for a living.  I actually like what I do for a living, and like talking about it.  I fuck around on my computer until late at night.  Wait for it.  Wait for it… Holy motherfucking christ on rye bread.  I’m a nerd.  Goddamn it.  Now I have to kick the shit outa myself.  Fuck.  What’s worse… I totally get why the pic below is funny.  FUCK!

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I’m actually referring to the Republicans not the economy in this instance, although it appears that desperate times for many of us on on the horizon.  The Republicans are indeed desperate.  In the past couple of weeks they have abandoned any quiet dirty campaigning (at least they pretended they were being quiet) and have resorted to Rove-like FUD attacks (FUD=Fear Uncertainty and Doubt).  They are starting to throw the kitchen sink at em.  Let’s recap:

• Barrack “Hussein”  Obama, lame attempt to make people think he is an Arab, terrorist, or Muslim by referring to him this way.  Campbell Brown calls this race-baiting.
• He’s a “pal” of the terrorists, more FUD trying to make a closer connection with Bill Ayers
• Drugs.  all of sudden past drug use becomes an issue (even though Obama openly wrote about it).  I love this one, fucking Republicans didn’t seem to mind Bush snorting some lines.
• Obama too risky.  This I also believe, but no more risky than McCain, that guy seems a) unstable as hell, and b) one extra long night of sleep away from being dead.

So why do the Republicans resort to these negative lowest common denominator attacks?  Because it works.  How else do you think that Bush was elected not once but twice?  It is all about the FUD.

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That’s right bitches, I didn’t realize it until yesterday, but Total Diatribe is one years old!  It came to me after reading a moooooooooog post over at Mental Poo, it turns out he is a year old too.  As an aside, I’m really glad that I’m just a year old, because I just crapped my pants.  And that would just be creepy if I was say, I dunno, late 30’s.  I could take this opportunity to highlight some of my favorite posts or brag about how great I am (I am great by the way), but the truth is, most of my posts suck.  I wrote them high on crystal meth…. or was that rock candy?  Either way, my tooth hurts now.  To wrap up this little gem, please vote for me for President…. I’m no worse than the other two assholes up for office.  Peace.

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Shoot yourself twice in the upper body while being evicted.  This happened to 90 year old Addie Polk of Akron Ohio, and Fannie Mae forgave her loan and signed her  house over to her (click here for full article).  Something tells me that this strategy will have limited returns for pretty much everybody else who decides to use this method.   Congress and “the people” can only use one symbol per crisis, everybody else in this situation is fucked.

In a similar vein, I watched a portion of Meet the Press today and Tom Brokaw stated this:  (full transcript here)

… let me introduce a moment of heresy into the political campaign. Isn’t it also time for these candidates to reflect just what Peggy was saying and say to the American people, “You’ve got a role in this, too. You’ve got to step up.” We’re not going to make gain without some pain here in the next year, and, in fact, the American people have been part of the problem that we have right now. A lot of them took loans that they should—ought not to have taken. Credit card debt is very high. And they want to turn a blind eye to things like entitlements, Medicare and how we’re going to pay for it.

I had some immediate conflicting reactions to this statement.  First, it was a bit of a sting as I have spent many years of my life living above my means as well as many many Americans, currently, my family has paid down most of our debt and have taken great pains over the last couple of years to eliminate credit spending all together.  But the statement rings true.  My second reaction was making this statement (as a member of the MSM and a puppet of our government) is like a drug dealer complaining about the junkies.  Our government has taken great pains to encourage spending both by average Joe and by themselves with their incredible deficit spending, forcing an unnaturally low interest rate, giving incentives to sub-prime mortgage houses, and by giving two fucking ridiculous tax rebates and encouraged people not to pay down debt or save but to buy buy buy.  How many of you sat down with a used car salesman mortgage broker to obtain financing to purchase a house and were told:  “you’ve been cleared for XXXX” where XXXX was waaaaaaay more than you knew you could realistically afford.

It fucking makes me sick.

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I had an uneasy feeling this morning when I woke up.  I felt sick to my stomach, a little crampy, and then a wave of pain hit me from my insides.  It felt like I really needed to fart, and when I say fart, I mean open the valve like a propane tank.  THEN, I realized it really wasn’t the world’s loudest, nastiest, and disgusting fart.  It was the bailout bill.  And that uneasy feeling is the realization that the Senate will pass it today, they most likely won’t be left with their pants down (i.e., they wouldn’t put it to a vote unless they are positive that they have the votes to pass it, unlike the idiot House).

So we’re back to being fucked.  It was good to think that for a day or two, our representatives understood and listened to their angry constituents.

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