So I’m sitting in a coffee shop in the San Diego airport reading a book by Chuck Palahniuk (the dude that wrote Fight Club) and there was a great line in it. So great that I logged onto my laptop and was going to jot it down in notepad or something so I didn’t forget it. Then it occurred to me that if any airport in the world had terminal wide WiFi it would be this one… guess what, I was right. I love technology. Therefore, I just began to write this post.

Now, I love lines, quotes, lyrics, blurbs, or whatever you want to call them. The problem is, I can’t seem to remember them all as my short-term memory is shot to shit from too much unprotected sex in Haiti… wait, that’s hepatitis and my liver, never mind. At any rate, the excerpt that I was referring to is:

It’s not that I want to get married. I admire guys who can commit to a tattoo. - Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

What a great line, to denigrate marriage to window dressing in such a succinct manner, that is flippin genius. That led me to think of other biting lines I had read or heard over the years. I’m not referring to classic pickup lines like “Nice shoes, wanna fuck”, but more like:

• People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch - Jack Nicholson, As good as it Gets

• If you want to know who your friends are, get yourself a jail sentence - Charles Bukowski

• The Universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest - Kilgore Trout

• Be careful who you pretend to be, because you are who you pretend to be - Kurt Vonnegut

• A patriot must always be prepared to defend his country against his government - Edward Abbey

And…

The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice. - Bill Murray, Caddyshack

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