May 05 2008
An Open Letter to the Man In the Yellow Hat
Dear Mr. Man in the Yellow Hat,
I have some words of advice and a couple of bones to pick with you. First off, what’s up with the yellow hat, shirt, tie, pants, jacket, and underoos? Yellow is the color of cowardice and piss… the man in black would be hella cooler. Anyway, we all know you have a creepy affinity for animals, specifically little monkeys. Another eccentric man had the same inclination towards wild simians, his name is Michael Jackson, and we all know where that led. I’m not going so far as to say that monkey love is the gateway to pedophilia, but it’s probably a good start. I have my eye on you.
This letter isn’t the forum to discuss your possible preference for little boys, it is to discuss your discipline problem with your little monkey. Your little monkey, named George, is very inquisitive. We get that. The problem is it appears that you don’t. Week in and week out, George finds himself in a situation where he creates a problem, havoc ensues, and then while George attempts to right his many wrongs, some sort of mitigating factor comes into play (more often than not, George is just “cute”) that makes the situation OK. You are apparently ignorant to the shenanigans and typically show up after the shit has hit the fan and find yourself apologizing to the victims of the mayhem.
I am placing the blame for all of these problems squarely on your yellow shoulders Mr. Hat. In nearly every instance, poor George was left alone prior to his getting into trouble. I’m not sure about the rest of the world, but if I had a wandering monkey that got into a ton of shit when I wasn’t watching, I probably wouldn’t let him out of my site or allow him to skulk around off of a leash or out of a cage. But you have left him alone hundreds of times with the probability of a shit storm at 100%. Mr. Man in the Yellow Hat, you are a fucking idiot.
We all know you can spank your monkey, but what GEORGE needs is some discipline. If he gets out of line, break a finger. If he does it again, throw him into the closet for a week without food or water. Third strike, back to the fucking jungle with ya. I hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Billymac
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The fact is that these shenanigans and hi jinx sell books. If the man in the yellow hat kept George on a short leash, I think he’d have trouble selling books and meeting chicks.
I never trusted him ever since he lured me into his windowless van with his monkey.
Dude, read an issue of Rolling Stone and snap out of it.
Hey I love this monkey, lol
“guess where my other hand is…”
Poor Georgie.
what I wonder is what the hell he’s hiding under that hat?!?! why do you need a hat that big unless you are hiding something?
The man in black was already taken. You’d know that if listened to something other than the Beastie Boys.
There are usually balloons involved with George’s hi jinx. I’m betting that the cute monkey is actually his mule….now that’s genius.