My wife bought me a Bose “QuietComfort 2″ pair of headphones a couple of years back when I was a road warrior (no I wasn’t an Aussie with a mohawk that killed people for gas, I used to spend a shit-load of time on business trips). First off this product fucking rules, it makes most of airplane background noise go bye-bye and the quality of sound is excellent. So I’ve been enjoying these headphones for a couple of years and I’m pretty god-damned hard on most things (i.e., I can’t seem to NOT break shit like headphones, watches, balls, etc), when the plastic right above the right side snaps on my most recent trip to Vegas mid-flight. AND, it broke in the middle of the shit-tastic movie Jane Austin Club, personally, I think the headphones committed suicide because the movie sucked more than anything before… except Enchanted of course. Because I couldn’t find another set of headphones of better quality that didn’t cost my first-born, we went to the Bose store to buy another pair. It turns out that there was a recall on the model I had because of a plastic issue, and they offered to replace or allow me to upgrade for cheap. I ended up replacing it for free.

Let’s recap, 1) good customer service - they didn’t have to tell me about the recall and my headphones were over a year beyond the warranty, 2) free shit - they replaced the headset for free, and 3) good shit - quality product. That sounds like the winning combination for generating loyalty. Now I’m pimping their product to the person who reads this site, AND I’m listening to hard-core gangsta rap right now…. good times. “Fuck tha po-lice coming straight from the underground…”

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My wife and I took our not quite 3 year old daughter to her first movie the other day, the movie was Horton Hears a Who, my daughter only refers to it as Horton Hears a Poo. As a toddler learning to speak and communicate, this must have been hilarious for her. I can only imagine her thoughts of an elephant listening closely to somebody trying to squeeze one out… is the little log speaking? Don’t get too close, you might get Hershey squirted in the ear buddy! And then her disappointment that the fucking movie was only about an elephant speaking to a speck of dust. To her credit, she wasn’t overly anticipating excessive fecal communication or disappointed with the movie. However she was scared shitless of the Narnia preview. Overall, not a bad movie to go with a toddler, it was entertaining enough for adults…. at least it wasn’t as bad as that piece of shit Enchanted. 

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It’s Friday… Photo caption contest. Try to use the photocrank tool on the picture as well as the comments, the photocrank tool is really working out well. To use it just click on the photocrank widget on the lower right side of the picture, it will bring up a menu system and then you can crank away (on the picture that is… say no to drugs, mmmkay?).Enjoy!

 

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Here at Total Diatribe, we strive to be “fair and balanced” (unlike those fucking choads at Fox News) therefore simply stating that “Republicans are Assholes” conveys the message that I’m an objective hater of our current two party system. Right? … Right? … (*** crickets***)… Listen motherfuckers, if I say I’m objective, then I’m fucking objective, it’s kinda like when Bush says that he’s “conservative” or “conscious” or “human”. Anyway, a wise man/doll once said:

See, there’s three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes…. And all the assholes want us to shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes…. And if they didn’t fuck the assholes, you know what you’d get? You’d get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!

So if Democrats are Pussies, and Republicans are Assholes, who are the Dicks? I propose a third party for the Dicks in America, and not one of those fringe parties like the Green Party or the Libertarian Party, they are not really Dicks (maybe wussies or cock-rings). A good candidate for the Dick party would be the Nihilists, they could put on a good show and fuck some shit up. I would love to help form this party, I nominate Bill Clinton to head it up… he’ll fuck anything.

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New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson declared his allegiance to Obama on Friday, and he made the following statement on Sunday (click here for full article):

I am very loyal to the Clintons. I served under President Clinton. But I served well. And I served the country well. And he gave me that opportunity,” Richardson told “Fox News Sunday.”

“But you know … it shouldn’t just be Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton,” he said.

I’m no expert, but maybe Richardson should have said “I HAD been loyal to Clinton’s”, you see Merriam-Webster defines loyal as:

1: unswerving in allegiance: as a: faithful in allegiance to one’s lawful sovereign or government b: faithful to a private person to whom fidelity is due c: faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, or product

2: showing loyalty

At any rate, I really don’t give a fuck about Richardson’s opinion, and neither did most Democrats judging by his primary numbers. However, show some backbone dude. All of this minutia bullshit and bickering has fragmented your party and you guys are just fighting over the most inane details and scraps of power and influence that I’ve decided to label the entire party with the “pussy” moniker.

AND THEN come the ridiculous comments from the campaigns like Carville saying Richardson is like Judas, and Obama’s campaign likened Bill Clinton to McCarthyism when they took a quote out of context and claimed Clinton was questioning his patriotism. I don’t know about you, but I don’t respect whiny pussies, and I don’t know how I could vote for somebody from the PP (Pussy Party) at this point. On the other hand, I don’t exactly see eye-to-eye with crazy horse McCain either. I guess we’re just fucked for another 4 years, the good news is we’re getting used to it…. way to go Washington.

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It’s Friday… Photo caption contest. Try to use the photocrank tool on the picture as well as the comments, the photocrank tool is really working out well. To use it just click on the photocrank widget on the lower right side of the picture, it will bring up a menu system and then you can crank away (on the picture that is… say no to drugs, mmmkay?).

Enjoy!

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I’m a little more than half way through the book Blackwater: The Rise of the World’s Most Powerful Mercenary Army, and I’ve come to an interesting hypothesis.  The privatization of the US Armed Services is taking free market economics (i.e., laissez-faire) too far.  In general I’m actually in favor of more privatization, especially on the services side of government like the DMV, Lottery, Toll Roads, tax, schools, etc if the proper oversight, controls and requirements are in place.  But the military?  I’m not so sure about that.  Do we want a private army (or several) fully armed with free reign to kill that sits outside of both our military and civilian justice systems?  I recommend that you read this book, it is guaranteed to piss you off no matter where you lie on the political spectrum (full disclosure, it is a left leaning book, but well cited and written).  This book will give you an insider view on how corrupt and arrogant our current administration is, and how a few people have the power to mold and create policy to profit their buddies and themselves.

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I was reading a CNN.com article about the new sinful behaviors listed by the Vatican this morning with my 17 month old son on my lap, when the whole pope vs. poop argument began (click here for full article).  This was the conversation with my son: I said while pointing at a picture of the Pope, “Look it’s the pope!”, he said “POOP!”, I replied “no, no… it’s POPE, not POOP”, he then started shrieking “POOP POOP POOP POOP!!!”.  I’m not sure who won the argument.    The article noted:

A Vatican official has listed drugs, pollution and genetic manipulations as well as social and economic injustices as new areas of sinful behavior.

Well holy schniekies batman look out for an avalanche of bullshit.  My head is spinning right now.   Drugs, what about alcohol?  Hello!!!?? wine anybody?  Pollution?  I’m sure the Vatican doesn’t pollute as it is a small city, as well as all of the franchise churches spanning the globe, and how long has it been that being a dick makes it a sin?  Genetic manipulations, since when has the church been afraid of science?  I’m actually surprised they didn’t make the belief in evolution a sin.  Social and Economic injustices… well this one just takes the cake.  How many millions and billions of people were killed and tortured in the name of God and the church over the years?  And the church itself has set itself up to be an elite society (and extremely affluent).

Are we missing something?  I know, how about the priests sucking on the alter boy’s peckers?  The article mentioned this:

Girotti said the Catholic Church continued to be concerned by other sinful acts, including abortion and pedophilia.

He said Church authorities had reacted with rigorous measures to child abuse scandals within the clergy, but he also claimed that the issue had been excessively emphasized by the media.

What was that?  I couldn’t hear you Girotti, I nearly drowned from a tsunami of horse-shit and was hurling up road apples.  Replace the words “rigorous measures to” with “covering up the” in the sentence above for a more accurate statement.

Come to think of it… I have a pretty smart 17 month old son.

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It’s Friday… Photo caption contest. This time try to use the photocrank tool on the picture as well as the comments, the photocrank stuff has a lot of potential. To use it just click on the blue plus sign on the picture (lower right side of picture), it will bring up a menu system and then you can crank away (on the picture not yourself, unless you really want to, just don’t tell me about it)…

Have fun!

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Hi… I’m in Delaware…  err I mean Connecticut.  I’m in the middle of a week-long business trip in the grand state of Connecticut, where they aren’t quite New Yorkers and not quite New Englanders.  They don’t even have a decent accent here, WTF?  Anyway, I’m in a suburb of Hartford which is nice enough, and I haven’t been snowed on, so I’ve got that going for me… which is nice.  One thing I’ve noticed about traveling lately is why the fuck are all of the classic rock stations in the country called “The River”?  I swear that just about every city I’ve lived in or spent any time in had a station called “The River” that was “playing the best classic rock to chill you out”…. bite me burn-boy DJ.  Anyway, we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled program of bullshit when I return to hot-lanta on Friday.

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