Jan 12 2008
While I’m in full-on Bush bashing mode, check out the video below from the Chapelle Show. This is one of my favorite bits from the show, and even though it is several years old, it is pure gold. Have fun watching bitches!
What? Huh? Oil? Who said something about oil bitch, are you cookin?
Jan 11 2008
I mentioned this in the comments of yesterday’s post about Iran, I was able to track down a youtube clip of Bushy-poo making his infamous “Fool me Once” blunder. I can see Bush singing like Homer in the shower:
I am so smart… S.M.R.T, I am so smart
And Homer’s little song and dance… (sorry for the shitty video, it’s the only one I could find).
Jan 09 2008
I love Bush, no really, I do. He’s like that retarded kid that you just want to hug after he finishes 5th in the 100 yard dash at the special olympics. The only problem is, nobody wants to hug you when you destroy an economy, obliterate any sort of positive foreign policy or foreign relationship, led your country down the rabbit hole of Iraq killing thousands of our own soldiers and thousands of Iraqi resistors, and thousands of innocent Iraqi citizens. AND, now he’s still pushing an agenda of aggression toward Iran that can only end up in another immensely expensive (both in terms of human and capital) campaign against another sovereign nation. Rhetoric from the top asshole in the state: (click here for full article)
Bush’s criticism of Iran came Wednesday during a news conference with Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert in Jerusalem. Bush is in the region to encourage the peace process between Israel and the Palestinians.
Bush called the incident “a very dangerous gesture” by Iran and warned the Islamic republic against any escalation.
“We have made it very clear, and they know our position, and that is: There will be serious consequences if they attack our ships, pure and simple.”
“My advice to them is: Don’t do it.”
Does anybody else find it ironic that this dipshit is proselytizing his aggressive agenda against Iran at a news conference in the middle-east during a mission of Israeli-Palestinian peace? He probably doesn’t see any issue with that, because Iranians are not Palestinians and he’s mixing up his legacy items. 1) Middle-east peace, no problem in one year (check), and 2) Attack another country of “brown” people, ok let’s choose… Iran (check)
First it was the bullshit about the nukes in Iran, including rhetoric from Tony Blair… now it is this little incident in the Persian Gulf with some tiny Iranian boats that acted aggressively toward our ships. Wah wah, the little boats drove towards us fast and made us cry. What a bunch of pussies, here we are 13,000 miles from the US east coast driving a group of heavily armed warships through a 20 mile straight (Hormuz) in the Persian Gulf that is something like, I dunno, ZERO miles from Iran. And we’re calling foul when some little speed boats get close and some asshole yells something over the radio? And THIS is what we worry about? Get some perspective bitches:
Jan 07 2008
Here’s the scene; you are in a pub smashed out of your melon, you retire to the bathroom to take a piss, you stumble up to the mirror, and realize that you are one good looking sumbitch (even though your eyes are mostly pasted shut, your hair is fucked up, you have food on your face and shirt, you are drooling a little, and there is piss dribble on the front of your pants). In this situation, you have your beer goggles on. Now extrapolate that out to the bar where you are now willing to hook up with anything that moves including a hole in the leather bar stool.Â
It turns out that the good folks at Manchester University in the UK came up with a formula in 2005 that describes the beer goggle effect as a result of several factors (click here for full article):
Researchers at Manchester University say while beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder, the amount of alcohol consumed is not the only factor.
Additional factors include the level of light in the pub or club, the drinker’s own eyesight and the room’s smokiness.
The distance between two people is also a factor.
As a wise, ok not so much wise but typically drunk and funny, guy I knew in college used to say:
Beauty is but a light-switch away…
I leave you with an example from our good friends at Broken Lizard, it is a scene from their latest movie Beerfest, enjoy:
Jan 05 2008
Euphemisms, I both love them and hate them. I love them when they are sarcastic, funny, and a little nasty, I hate them when jit-bag politicians, generals, and CEO’s use them to make terrible things sound less offensive. I have prepared a sampling of euphemisms, both my favorite and most maligned.
Taking a Shit
This is an easy category, most people (ok guys) have all sorts of clever ways to tell people they are going to evacuate last nights burritos, beer, and hooker spit from their bowels. These are some of my favorite “taking a shit” euphemisms:
Drinking and getting drunk
Another ripe category for interesting euphemisms as most people (ok again, guys) like to go out and get drunk and brag about how much they drank and got wasted and then passed out on the couch and pissed on the cushions.
 Sex (including sex for one)
This list could last for days and weeks. Especially with the vast amount of male dominated masturbation euphemisms. What is the fascination with dudes and jerking off? It is one of life’s mysteries, deal with it.
Euphemisms for sex with one:
General Sex euphemisms:
Losing your job
Whether you are terminated for cause (i.e., shit-canned) or being laid off, there are several euphemisms for losing your job. Most of these exist to make the company and the managers feel better about themselves and not feel guilty when running over transients with their Bentley’s on the way home to their $20 million mansion and their trophy wives.
ReligionÂ
Religious euphemisms and bullshit go hand in hand, how else can the religious leaders keep the masses under control and force some unpleasant and typically unbelievable cow-dung down their throats?Â
MiscellaneousÂ
Jan 04 2008
It’s Friday… Photo caption contest, winner will receive a big stinking fat pile of nuthin. My entry is in the comments, please add yours.
Have fun!
Jan 02 2008
I’m a huge movie buff. In fact I nearly despise TV shows, with a few minor exceptions, and will spend the vast majority of what little time I can dedicate to watching TV to movies (if that last sentence made any fucking sense). I have taken the opportunity to list out my favorite movie writer/directors. These are the few dudes that can boast full control over their work and most in this list typically write, direct, and produce their films. In no particular order:
Kevin Smith
 
What can I say about Kevin Smith? From the first moment I saw Clerks in ‘94 I was hooked. He could write about monks that sit around naked under a vow a silence and turn it into a funny quirky dialog piece. Smith is the guy who made Clerks on credit card debt while he worked in a convenience store and created a masterpiece. We’ll casually look the other way on Jersey Girl, even Tiger Woods takes mulligans from time to time right? His raunchy irreverent sarcastic humor feels like home to me, my favorites in this order are: Clerks, Dogma, Clerks 2, Mallrats, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Chasing Amy, and Lopez chowing down on some man-juice bringing up the rear with Jersey Girl. I’m looking forward to his next project “Zack and Miri Make a Porno” starring a recently signed Seth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks.
QuentinTarentino
In a word Tarentino is a genius. His movies are nearly perfect (at least in my warped sense of taste) with stunning cinematography, soundtrack, comedy, violence, and unique ability to sense what is cool. Which is an enigma to me, Tarentino comes off as a huge dork in many interviews, and yet he makes some of the downright coolest movies on the planet.  Many non-fans do not know that Tarentino also wrote True Romance (one of my all time favorites) and Natural Born Killers (which I’m convinced would be an incredible movie if Tarentino directed).  I recently made the mistake of not taking his latest movie Death Proof seriously as it was part of a strangely marketed double feature called Grindhouse with another writer/director Robert Rodriguez pitching in on Planet Terror. Death Proof looked like a quirky throwback/homage to the old 70’s car chase movies, which didn’t really float my boat. I picked it up on DVD a couple of weeks ago, and sure enough, another great fucking movie. I will not doubt you again Q-man. My favorites in this order: Kill Bill (both volumes I and II), True Romance, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Death Proof, Jackie Brown, Natural Born Killers, and bringing up the rear From Dusk Til Dawn. I’m really looking forward to his next project, most likely called Inglorious Bastards which will be a World War II based movie.
Ethan and Joel Cohen
 The Cohen brothers, Ethan and Joel, have created some of the most unique and entertaining movies ever. Going all the way back to Raising Arizona in 1987 the Cohen Brothers have been making great movies and regularly re-inventing themselves. They run the gambit from dark comedies such as Fargo and Raising Arizona to quirky, fun, and interesting satires such as The Big Lebowski, O Brother Where Art Thou, and Ladykillers. And now there is No Country For Old Men, an incredible crime drama that in my opinion is the run-away best movie of 2007. I can’t wait to see what is next from these guys. My favorites in order (list is not a complete list of their movies): No Country for Old Men, O Brother Where Art Thou, The Big Lebowski, Raising Arizona, Fargo, and Ladykillers.
Honorable mention:Â Guy Ritchie
As an honorable mention, because of two incredible movies, is Guy Ritchie. Ritchie’s two incredible movies are Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. These are very similar but different enough movies centered in the seedy underworld of London. Both are hilarious and creatively put together and are in the same league as Tarentino movies. Why the honorable mention? Because of a steaming pile of shit of a movie called Swept Away and the fact that he cast his fucked up wife Madonna in it. Enough said, you could have been somebody Guy, you could have been somebody.
Jan 01 2008
I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions, but I came up with a short list of “to the point” resolutions.
Happy New Year!
Jan 01 2008
I downloaded the NoFollow Free WordPress plugin last month and am just getting around to posting about it, ok so I’m a lazy bastard. I got the idea from a couple of other sites including Hear ItFrom.Us, thanks for the advice. Basically this plugin reverses the default “nofollow” tag that is embedded on each post comment and now allows the search engines to view comment links as “real” links. The Man, i.e., the big search engines including Big G, don’t like this, but WTF do I care if they do or don’t. Happy commenting.
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