Dec 29 2007
Movie Review: Enchanted - It sucked.
I went to a movie last night with my wife.  The movie was Enchanted by Disney. I wanted to kill myself during the opening credits. That fairly sums up the experience. First of all, this was a payback movie for my wife, I had subjected her to an adrenaline filled suspenseful movie (I Am Legend) during which she hissed in my ear loudly “YOU OWE ME THE BIGGEST CHICK-FLICK EVER FOR THIS!!!”.  Boy did she ever collect on that threat. I originally thought this was going to be a spoof on all of the sickly sweet Disney animated movies, but I failed to realize that this was in fact a Disney movie itself, first mistake. The second, and fatal, mistake I made was to show up to the movie sober and without road beers. When the opening credits rolled out the Disney logo, I actually said “Fuck, this is a Disney movie!!??” My wife giggled at this, I knew I was in for a long session. Full disclosure, I did laugh at a couple of the scenes, but that didn’t make up for pile of shit this movie is. Here is the conversation on the way out to the car:
Wife:Â “You really didn’t like it?”
Me:Â “Nope”
Wife: “Really? I heard you laughing at some parts”
Me:Â “Yeah, but now I have a vagina, I hope you’re happy”
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Two scary posts in two days. I’ve gotta hide somewhere.
where to begin? first off, I saw the trailer for that piece of crap over 2 months ago and wanted to smack all the stupid idiots laughing at it. I was so pissed, I wrote a post about but I won’t link my own blog cause that’s lame.
secondly, I hate to say this because I don’t know you or your wife and she might be a supermodel/angel but I think you married the wrong woman. If my wife laughed at that crap I’d throw her out of a moving car and then back up over her. Just a thought, no pressure.
TV: It turns out that throwing your wife out of a moving car and then backing up over her is harder than you think. First off there is the whole seat belt situation, and with the safety laws in place it is hard to figure out how to convince your wife to take off her belt when you are hurtling down the highway. AND, then you have to figure out how to convince her to open her door whilst moving after she has taken off her belt. The third problem is when your wife is smarter than you, I got her most of the way there with a BS story about how the road looks cool looking down on it while going 80 MPH, but she figured out what I was getting at, closed the door, and bitch-slapped me. I’m still working on plan B.
Why didn’t your wife like I Am Legend? I want to see it, but I’m the biggest scaredy cat in the world so I’m not sure if it’s too scary for me.
Kerstin: I think she thought it was ok, just way too stressful/suspensful. In other words, she was looking for a feel good movie, and she left frazzled and pissed. Good times.
[…] My wife and I took our not quite 3 year old daughter to her first movie the other day, the movie was Horton Hears a Who, my daughter only refers to it as Horton Hears a Poo. As a toddler learning to speak and communicate, this must have been hilarious for her. I can only imagine her thoughts of an elephant listening closely to somebody trying to squeeze one out… is the little log speaking? Don’t get too close, you might get Hershey squirted in the ear buddy! And then her disappointment that the fucking movie was only about an elephant speaking to a speck of dust. To her credit, she wasn’t overly anticipating excessive fecal communication or disappointed with the movie. However she was scared shitless of the Narnia preview. Overall, not a bad movie to go with a toddler, it was entertaining enough for adults…. at least it wasn’t as bad as that piece of shit Enchanted. […]