For fans of The Best Page In the Universe, Maddox wrote a new post titled: Fashion tips for women from a guy who knows dick about fashion.  For those ignorant fools who have not been exposed to the pirate Maddox, you will not be disappointed if you check out the site.  My favorite lines from the post (which I will shamelessly and without guilt steal and use as my own) are:

People who wear Crocs go on and on about how comfortable they are, and how it’s supposedly odor resistant because it’s made out of some kind of anti-bacterial foam. Great point, dipshits! You know what else it’s resistant to? You getting laid.

Yes, everyone thinks it looks like you have a giant vagina around your neck. It sounds hotter on paper than it actually is. I’m sure a man invented this style, because it’s damn near impossible to think of a combination of heads and vaginas that isn’t rad, but this shirt is proof that even an idea as inherently cool as giant vaginas and heads coming out of them can be made lame.

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It turns out that a couple of prominent Obama supporters were influential in the rejection of Steven Colbert’s name from the primary ballots in South Carolina.  According to a CNN.com article:

At least one member of the executive council, who requested anonymity, told CNN he felt “pressured” by former State Superintendent of Education Inez Tenenbaum to oppose placing Colbert on the ballot.

Tenenbaum, who ran for U.S. Senate in 2004, is a high-profile supporter of Obama. Her endorsement of Obama in April was touted by the campaign in May, and she has appeared at several Obama campaign events, including the opening of a campaign headquarters this summer.

Booooooo South Carolina, and Booooooo the executive council, this just cements my opinion that Obama is a tool (even though it was his supporters and not the man, I still think he is a tool by association).  Special interests in politics is out of control in this country.

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Well it’s November 5th and the grassroots fundraising campaign I had mentioned previously has had significant positive impact to the fundraising goals of the campaign.   As of 2:30 PM today, the event has poured in over $2 Million additional buckaroos into the campaign.  It’s a far cry from the ultimate goal, but with a few more of these, they might just get there.  Click here to contribute if you are so inclined.

EDIT (11/6):  It looks like the campaign ended up taking in something like $4.2 million bucks… really amazing.

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I haven’t had the pleasure of entering a mall since last Christmas shopping season (that I can recollect that is, I could be repressing shocking memories of mall visits throughout the year for all I know).  In between repeatedly vomiting in my mouth and swallowing, I had a few keen observations of the experience that I will share, whether you like it or not.

• Malls suck (I apologize for this redundant statement, but it had to be recorded officially)
• Fye sucks major dog-balls.  How is this store still in business?  I was checking out Fye’s selection of Movies, and even the older movies are well above what you can find elsewhere.  (i.e., Christmas Story was 27 bucks, and Goodfellas was 28 bucks), and the new releases were in the 28 to 35 buck range.  I had a movie in my hand (Spiderman 3), but couldn’t bring myself to take it to the counter, I felt like a sucker.  Where is the value add here?  I can buy new releases from Target, Walmart, Best Buy, etc etc for 15 to 20 bucks.  Don’t shop at Fye unless you are a tool.
• I weep for my future.  There was a store called “American Girl” there, if and when my daughter smells this store, I am FUCKED!  This store has all of the trappings of ruining my existence as I know it.  Little pre-tweener girls were walking around the mall clutching their American Girl dolls with a hypnotized “buy me buy me” crazed look in their eyes.  We had to distract my daughter with promises to see Mickey to break free of the spell.  Which leads me to…
• Disney sucks.  Yeah, I already posted about this before, but Disney has little franchises of suck in most malls these days, and we got sucked into its black-hole…. again.
• Mall Kiosks are like annoying spam.  Heaven forbid if you even glance at one of their products, these guys (and gals) will be on you like flies on shit (or sorority chicks on Boone’s Farm).  And after the kiosk folks get a hold of you it’s like removing a bad virus from your computer to get away.  My advice, move quickly and don’t make any eye contact.  If they engage with you, point at their crappy merch and yell “some fucker is making off with your shit” and then hit ‘em with a judo chop when they turn.  Then run.
• That’s all I can stomach to remember today, I threw up my mouth again and cried a little.  I need to call my shrink.

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Former Atlantic City Mayor Robert Levy has plead guilty to bilking the Veteran’s Affairs department of nearly $25K.  More from a story posted on CNN.com:

The 60-year-old Democrat claimed he was awarded the Combat Infantryman Badge and the Parachutists Badge and successfully completed the Airborne School with more than 100 jumps.

He claimed that he had twice been abandoned in the jungle by his troops for several weeks, which he cited as the basis for suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.

It turns out that Levy claimed he was in the Green Berets in Vietnam when he was actually enlisted only.  I guess he was dreaming big after watching First Blood and Rambo First Blood Part II, hell I pretended to be a Ninja after all of the ’80’s Ninja movies, but then again, I wasn’t elected mayor of AC.

What is really surprising (so far) is that this is the only corruption reported on this clown.

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Merriam-Webster defines douchebag as:

slang : an unattractive or offensive person

I define douchebag as this guy:

It turns out that this colossal prick has created quite the buzz after he was spurned on an interaction on match.com with the following email:

I think you forgot how this works. You hit on me, and therefore have to impress ME and pass MY criteria and standards - not vice versa. 6 pictures of just your head and your inability to answer a simple question lets me know one thing. You are not in shape. I am a trainer on the side, in fact, I am heading to the gym in 26 minutes!

So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don’t blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel’s Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren’t any more of those!

This guy fucking rules, for more douchebaggery check out his site, it is a good example of how to be a tool.

I give him this official badge:

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A friend of mine (Chops) brought this to my attention, I had heard that Stephen Colbert was going to pull this stunt, however I didn’t know he was given “the Heisman” in SC.  Chops Commentary:

The democrats in South Carolina have denied Stephen Colbert’s
application to run on their ballot … doesn’t sound very democratic to
me. They contend Mr Colbert is not a “viable candidate”, essentially not
taking him seriously. But politics and the political process in this
country are a joke. Why not give the reigns to a comedian?

I couldn’t agree with Chops more, what are they afraid of, the general public not taking the process seriously?  I’m not sure if the general public’s opinion of politicians and the political process can be any lower, this would bring more attention to the process not take away from it (i.e., net positive dumb-asses).

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It’s Friday….  Photo caption contest, winner will receive a big stinking fat pile of nuthin.  My entry is in the comments, please add yours.

Have fun!

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I’ve thought more and more about the state of education in this country (no pun intended) lately as my children creep toward school age.  And my thoughts often migrate to a particular event several years ago.  My wife and I were on a house-hunting trip in North Georgia as we were offered jobs in the northern Atlanta suburbs.  While we were at a restaurant having breakfast one morning we were sitting beside a father with his two teen-age sons.  Not that we were eavesdropping (we were) but here is how the conversation went down:

Son #1:  I can make a lot of money driving a truck.

Son #2:  How much?

Father:  grunt

Son #1: I can make 100 bucks a day, and if I work 10 days that will be…. (counting on fingers, 1, 2, 3, …) I dunno, a lot of money!

Father:  grunt

Me to my wife:  Our kids will go to the same school as those idiots

My wife:  Shit

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